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Saturday, July 31, 2004  
Yesterday was Maya's bday. I made a cobbler. It took forever because I didn't measure ingredients and just sort of dumped everything in and stuck it in the oven. Don't do that. It will take forever to bake if you do. It was really good, though. I mean, she liked it, so that's all that matters. We all went to see The Village. Don't see that, unless it's for a birthday. But it's not worth seeing otherwise. Alice had a good review of it right after, and I remember nodding enthusiastically, but I think she was using big words that I couldn't assimilate at midnight, so I can't remember what they were. Basically, it's "godawful bad." It's got so much promise, and decent enough actors, but the whole thing, the premise, the idea, the "village", just sucked, sucked sucked. Yes, there's a "surprise ending". Some of us were already at the ending and knew what the deal was right up front. Here's the thing: if he let you know the deal at the beginning, you would have watched it with different eyes, and it probably would have been a hell of a lot more interesting. It wasn't as bad as "Passion Of The Christ", but I felt sorry that Maya, who always says she hasn't seen any really bad movies this year (except POTC), got to see this on on her bday.

Today is the PF's bday. It's also the day I go out to my mom and dad's house and battle their messy mess. They are very untidy now that none of the kids live there, and we've been taking advantage of their absence (the Baltic Sea is being cruised as I type this) to clean and tidy up their scary, scary house. My brother, while cleaning out a cabinet that seemed to hold unending boxes of tea, cereal, empty collectibe tins, and those dreaded little oak moths (gypsy moths, some people call them), also held innumerable daddy long legs spiders AND....about 15 gigantic black widows. I'm so freaked out by that, you have no idea. I saw the last one and was there when he killed it. I was soooo freaked out, I've had the willies ever since, and I'm seriously dreading going BACK to the house. I mean, the entire house is packed full of stuff. Books, papers, dry goods, furniture, more books, clothes, magazines, papers, you name it. That's a lot of places for more black widows to hide.... There are 5 bedrooms, and all of them are jampacked full of packratty items. There is not a flat space that remains clear and uncluttered (except that my brother has been staying there, so the kitchen is cleaner.) So, I'm off to plant a plumbago at my sister's place, and then we are heading out to the parentals to attack another cabinet. I'm really terrified.

Tonight, I have girl's night out, but I can't spend the night. Because, it's the PF's bday, and I doublebooked it, at first thinking I'd have to be in town to watch my parent's pets, and then found out my brother arranged something with a friend of his. So now I don't have to. And forgot about girl's night, and then planned to go to SF to see the PF. He's the sweetest thing on the whole planet. I felt horrible saying no after I realized my mistake. I mean, I felt like the meanest person on the whole planet. I never intended to spend the night, so I'll go gab for a few hours and then head to his house. I love those gals. But I love him more. And there you go. He's the most wonderful thing ever. Happy Birthday, PF. You are now 38 years old and don't look a day over 20.

Tomorrow is my brother's bday. But thankfully, he's in San Diego and not bothering us about it too much. Thank god. I'm broke.

Next week, my mom's birthday party. I'm dreading it somewhat. How can you not? There's so much to do, so much left to buy...we priced out stuff we need at Wishing Well. So far, I've spent over 200 bucks, my sister has spent over 400, and my brother over 170. We haven't even bought the food yet.

I'm worried about my roommate. She's very nice, but my landlord told me last night that she didn't pay her rent for July. Hello, August is tomorrow. She says someone cashed her check, but who knows? Hopefully, she gets it cleared up asap. In any case, it's scaring the crap out of me. I do not have an extra grand hanging around. I should... but I don't, okay?

~Amelie the frenzied.

9:10 AM

Tuesday, July 27, 2004  
This is amazing! I totally want to go here and spend a week plodding around hiking and playing with my dog and the PF...

My coworker just got back from a week at "The Other Place", and said it was just amazing.

Sheep Dung Estates (yes, that's seriously the name).


I need a raise so I can afford a vacation.


3:41 PM

Allrighty...I cannot keep a secret to save my life. The minute PF got to my house, I pestered him with "Guess what I got you for your birthday, guess guess guess!" Until he finally, well, did.

A day of frog fishing with pro bass fisherman Bobby Barrack. I conferred with his coworker and his boss for about 2 weeks before I settled on saving up for this one. I think he'll love it. He went fishing this weekend with his coworkers and came back with a bunch of Albacore tuna caught 60 miles offshore. They are little 2 year olds, so they don't have mercury poisoning and they're not so big that they would pull him off the boat...I was kind of worried. Apparently, my pocket fisherman was incredibly seasick the entire trip, and was puking while he was reeling them in. Orange gatorade, apparently, is now a very funny joke at his work. We are taking albacore tuna (his contribution) and grape finger jello with blueberries (my contribution) to a surprise bday party tonight. I swear, it's bday season. Good grief.

I'm still tired and my back still hurts, but I bought Rodney Yee's 20 minute yoga workout for backs and I'll do that tonight at some point. I haven't been walking like I should these past few days, I've been very lazy, so that might be contributing to my extreme tiredness.

I should probably go to work now...but I wanted to plug Freecycling again. I check it once or twice a day to see if there's anything good. I have someone coming to clean out the bikes in my backyard. There are 3 in need of repair, and this guy wants 'em. He can have them!!!

I also wanted to say something nice about Loaves And Fishes here in Sacramento. They have a great day-labor program to help homeless folks get back on their feet. My friend Kim frequently hires a guy from there who is homeless, and he has seriously fixed up her backyard (her ex husband let her garden go to pot during divorce proceedings, and she's been reclaiming bits of it ever since she took over the house). She pays $8/hr, buys the guy lunch and dinner, and gives him a tip. Turns out, the fella did construction for 20 years, and is now redoing her garage where it had lots of water and termite damage. Nice, non? The day labor program can be reached at 916-832-5510, and you can ask them what the scoop is.

~Amelie La Bonne

10:23 AM

Monday, July 26, 2004  
I always forget that Dan and Heather created their last name. They remind me of The Moes in a lot of ways. Anyway, Heather posted this article to the grrls group saying there were a few misquotes, but it's still a great promo for Tone Vendor. Enjoy!

As for me, I just told a friend about my weekend. Sometimes I think that I will drop dead one day, and the cause of death will be "Saturday". Of course, that's like saying someone died of old age when it was really a heart attack and diabetes that done them in. For me, it's REALLY about overbooking myself. I want ONE weekend that doesn't involve a lot of action, driving, or anything. Even when I'm home relaxing, I'm usually moving sprinklers and doing laundry and cleaning dishes or cooking dinner. I want a day of nothingness. I'll be bored, but I'll force myself to live through it.

I basically wake up earlier (7 am) on my Saturdays and drop into bed like a dead thing around 11 pm. When PF is around, I can sleep in a little on Sunday, but then I'm driving him mad trying to get him to agree to go out to breakfast at 9 am.

My weekend:
8 am-1 pm feed birds
2-4 home depot picking up soil and plants for sister's backyard
4:30-6:45 all you can eat ice cream safari at zoo
7:45-11:30 mel's bday (I was 45 minutes late)

8 Am-2PM fixing up yard, planting purchased plants at sis's
4-7 clipped large red cancer-ridden golden retriever so that the dog can sleep at night. She's too hot. It took 3 hours because my clippers would get too hot to hold.
7-9 dinner date
9-11 watched magdalene sisters, but back hurt so much I couldn't get off the ground. required muscle relaxants and bed rest.

Now I'm at work. At least agility is canceled for today, because I don't know how I'd do that. I'm really beat!!!

~Amelie, b-b-b-beat.

11:04 AM

Sunday, July 25, 2004  
Twinkies Turns 75 Years Old! Of course, there are some unopened individual ones at Ericas house that are nearly that old....

Now go to planet Twinkie and vote.

~Amelie, who picked "Donovin" because she wonders who would name their kid that.

2:39 PM

Saturday, July 24, 2004  
The past couple of nights have been cinemania nights. I saw Little Fugitive and The King of Masks on Thursday. I highly recommend both, but Moes: get Little Fugitive. You will absolutely love it, filmed in 1953, little boy just killed me. I wanted to take him home.
Last night we watched XXX (I hadn't seen it yet, but they have Foresthill Bridge, according to the signs when you go over it, it's the highest bridge in California. Located in lovely Placer County (on the way to Evil Lake Clementine.) So bad, it was fantastic. And we also saw May, and I don't necessarily recommend it, but it was creepily funny and Jeremy Sisto is in it and he's as hot as Vin. Yum. Okay. The gal in May is the best creepy girl ever. I mean ever. Swear to g(odd).

I also managed to eat for dinner: stuffed canoli, an eclair, and two cupcakes, all from Phillips Bakery. So much for my hypnotherapy. Jesus. I have LESS self control, not more. Still. Yumola. Especially the canoli. If I don't go get some lunch soon, I may hit the bakery again....bad.
shake it off, amelie...OKAY.

Today was a busy day at the baby bird place. Lots of mockingbirds getting ready to go into aviaries, so the play pens were full. I was really busy...But i get to do fun stuff too. I'm going to help my sister plan out her yard for the party in a couple of weeks, we'll hit home depot for some good flores. And then, it's to the Sacto Zoo with Erica and Phyllis for the Ice Cream Safari. Baskin Robbins and Coca Cola. All you can eat/drink. I'm going to go get some lunch first, because really. Who needs all that sugar? Still, it's going to a good cause.

This weekend Melissa's bday. Luckily, she's easy, just have to get her bombed on Sake and hand feed her sake at Nishiki.

Next weekend? PF bday. I got him something so great. I'll post it after I give it to him so as not to spoil the surprise.

The following weekend? Mom bday. 60th birthday part @ my sister's place with all the fun and shenanigans we can muster...Like a piggy bank that says "Face Lift Fund" on it...

And then the following weekend, it's Summer's bday. But at least her birthday will be a hilarious romping weekend of fun. Man. She doesn't even have to plan anything, all she has to do is show up to stuff that's already happening. See:


A Three-Day Crap Rock Car Crash Extravaganza!
Ten Raging Garage Bands! Record Swap! Crash-A-Rama! Beer!
DJ's! ...and best of all, it's CHEAP!!!

August 13-15, Sacramento, California!



Public Nuisance
The Bobbyteens
The Trouble Makers*
Th' Losin Streaks
Thee Flying Dutchmen
Harold Ray Live in Concert
Sutters IV
The Bug Nasties

*appearing ONLY at the Crash-A-Rama

Kicksville 29 BC's Tim Matranga; DJ Spaghetti-O from Naples Italy
(and Reno Nevada!); Diabolik's Sean Cavanaugh; Stanley Shrugg;
S.L.A.'s Dylan Rogers and she who needs no introduction: Fan Club



Friday August 13, Old Ironsides:

Djs begin at 9PM
9:30pm The Bug Nasties
10:30pm The Sutters IV
11:30pm TBA
12:30am Public Nuisance

Saturday August 14, Old Ironsides:

10AM-3PM: KDVS Record Swap!

DJs begin at 9pm
9:30pm Thee Flying Dutchmen
10:30pm Harold Ray Live in Concert
11:30 pm Th' Losin Streaks
12:30 pm The Bobbyteens

Sunday August 15, circa 2PM:
(at a super-secret location to be disclosed at the Saturday night

After thirty years of county fairs, stunt shows and even a stint with
the Hell Drivers, what's a semi-retired stunt driver to do?...
perform Marginally Legal Stunt Shows, of course! No roll cages! No
seat belts! No ambulance in sight! Jumpin' Jonny is the last of the
old-time stuntmen!

SEE him T-Bone cars at 60 MPH!
SEE him flip a car you wouldn't set foot in!
SEE him and his 40's Harley vs. the Wall Of Fire!

AND, if this ain't enough for any RED BLOODED AMERICAN... the Trouble
Makers and SLA will play between crashes... plus some very special


Admission will be $9 at the door each night. PLEASE arrive early if
you want to be sure to get in.

A *VERY LIMITED* number of advance tickets are available. These are
on sale at Tonevendor Records (1812 J Street, Sacramento) or contact
tim foster at 916 457 1815 or: timtmaker@y... Advance tickets
are $20 and are for the entire event. There are NO single-day
advance tickets.


Neato, non?

~Amelie, crasharama fanatic

1:18 PM

Friday, July 23, 2004  
It's here. And they're dying already. Poor things.


2:46 PM

There is nothing to do today. Oh, I'm sure I could be doing something. Like cleaning my desk. But there's no one here. My "helper" is an hour late. I don't care, I took an early lunch, so I'm not even hungry for pete's sake. EVERYONE in my office is on vacation. Must be nice. Even if I could take time for vacation? I couldn't actually afford the actual vacation. That's because I have pets and every fucking person I know has a birthday between July 15th and October.

My ass still hurts. I'm sitting on the Tush Cush that finally came, but it's useless. I'm resigned to the idea that what I have is a muscle issue, not bone, so no little tailbone cut-outs are going to help the issue. In fact, it's worse with the fucking cushion. Go figure. I can actually feel the muscles up and down my back, as well as in my hips, go MAD MAD MAD when I try to stand up, so at least the cushion makes it easier to recognize where the pain actually is. I think. Which means I'll have to spend some serious dough and find a rolfer to get into my aching ass and back and hip areas. Either that, or dredge up my flexeril and take a couple tonight and pass out for 3 days. Of course, I can't, because I actually have to wake up tomorrow and feed baby birds...gah.

Sleep has not been good lately. I yawn all day long and feel like I'm tired, go home, sleep, and wake up even more tired. I swear I have reverse SAD. I get depressed when it's too hot and bright out. Plus, my ass hurts. So there's that. It's probably related. Lordy.

~Amelie, wandering through life, proverbial head cut off.

12:58 PM

So it made me laugh. What entrepreneurial spirit! Proceeds go to democratic party.

Pocket Fisherman's 38th Birthday is next weekend....
What to get, what to get...

I need ideas.


10:29 AM

Thursday, July 22, 2004  
Dog Joke.

One day out in the Texas panhandle, a guy sees a sign in front of a house: Talking Dog for Sale.

He rings the bell. The owner answers, and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black Lab just sitting there.

" You talk?" he asks.

"Yes, I do"

" So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog could report on their conversations".

"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now... I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

" He's a liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

~Amelie, who is wondering when the commission report will be online.

12:48 PM

Wednesday, July 21, 2004  
Did you know about this????  I didn't.  Not that I'm paying much attention to the manufactured gov't in Iraq right now, but this is ridiculous. Figures, too.

This also just in: "Clear Lake" not so clear. This story made me laugh. I had to, how can you not??? They say about a million times how bad the smell is in Clear Lake. It's so bad, it's undescribably bad. Here's to rotten algae smothering 250,000 floating dead fish in 100+ degrees F weather. Jesus H. That's gotta be...worse than hot rotting canteloupe in the slimy festering putrescence on the bottom of the garbage can, magnified 7 million times.
And yet, the article still managed to mention how the housing prices are still going up, nevertheless.

In other news, Sacramento has had its first case of West Nile Virus. Not IN Sacramento, but a guy who went to Arizona came back with it. So, basically, now it's here. If the mosquitoes were biting him, it's here. Watch for falling crows, they are the most susceptible. Probably our adorable magpies and scrubjays will get hit hard too. But my crows!!! I'll be so sad when we start seeing them falling out of the skies like giant black feather bombs. They really take this disease hard; the crow populations will be seriously depleted, and depending on your affinity towards them, you'll be happy or sad. I'll be sad.

Things you can do to protect yourself and your family for mosquito vector-borne diseases like WNV:
Use sprays containing DEET. It's the most effective repellent there is on the commercial market (they are working on a tomato based repellent too. Good to know I'm not the only one who doesn't like the smell of tomatoes.) It does NOT cause seizures in normal children. Do not get it in your eyes or lick it and you should be fine. It tastes terrible, by the way. As bad as earwax. DO NOT SPRAY YOUR PETS with any DEET spray. Okay? Bad bad bad. It's bad for cats and dogs. Get something else that's better for them, something your vet recommends.

Dump out standing water in your yard or on your patio. This means the water that collects in the saucers under outside potted plants. You'd be surprised how little water and how short a period of time it takes for those little buggers to nymph up and pupate directly into blood sucking little beasts.

The newest thing that was discovered in Taiwan is cinnamon oil. If you put a few drops in standing or relatively stagnant water, it kills the mosquito larva but is harmless to the rest of the environment. Pretty neato. They released that info on Friday in case you missed it. SO, to recapitulate: it kills mosquito larva in water. It also tastes great and smells good. Buy stock in cinnamon producing companies, because I predict greater things from this cheap, renewable, non-petrochemical based substance. Go Sri Lanka! Or wherever it's from originally. FYI, 1 tsp of powder a day will take down your cholesterol AND sensitize you to your own insulin, it's been seen time and time again with diabetics and it is now being tested on more normal populations. Cinnamon. Wonderful stuff.

Get your horse vaccinated. That strikes me as funny, as I know the story of the first vaccination. I mean, look at the word. Cowpox was the first vaccination, and it was used to fight smallpox. Cowpoxulate your horses, dammit. That's funny. Maybe no?
Anyway. For some reason, horses are really hit hard by this thing too. And they drop dead. And it's heartbreaking. So, if you have horses, save yourself some serious agony and spend the $25 to get your precious pet vaccinated against this crazy disease, and do it every year. I think. Yes, it's an expensive vaccination, especially if you have a lot of horses, but jeez louise. A horse is a big animal and can host a shitload of these viruses before it dies/or hopefully recovers. Imagine if a few mosquitoes bit an infected horse. And then a few crows, and the crows flew into a yard with an old lady, and her mosquitoes bit the crows, and suddenly she's in the hospital unable to breathe because her entire body hurts from her crazy sudden encephalatic fever. That's right. Vector borne, baby. Get the horses vaccinated. Save the crows. And the little old ladies of Sactown.

~Amelie, crowing about the mosquitoes again.

3:10 PM

Tuesday, July 20, 2004  
Okay, Sacramento.com???

If you are going to run a quarter page ad in the local paper that says, and I quote:

"imaginative baker
or custom bicycle maker,
if it's local, we'll find it."

And include a color photo of a cute little cake that I might want for my mom's 60th bday...

You probably want to actually have a few honest-to-goodness options for a search asking for you to find a local "imaginative baker".

That is all.


3:02 PM

They have "Burrito Bols" at Chipotle.  What's that?  Why, it's just the filling of a burrito in a paper bowl.  I got the veggie.  I have to say, I actually like it better than an actual burrito.  Burritos kill me with their tortillas.  I think they look fat and huge, but really, it's all wrapper.  All the good stuff I like is compacted and the tortilla fills me up and then I'm stuffed and there's a big burrito just sitting there...this way, I get to eat what I like and I can see what I'm eating.  It's like a salad, only more like I dumped a burrito on a plate.  I picked the wrong salsa.  That's the only thing wrong with it.  Too spicy. 
In other news, I was invited to joing gmail by Maya.  Hello, Maya!  If I were a boy, I'd give you some sweet, sweet love.  If I were a lesbian, I'd buy a strap on and do you right.  Not being either of these things, and as I am heavy into the PF, I'll buy you a beer.  I love you!
I can now be emailed at amelielabonne@gmail.com  and my other email works with gmail too. 
Pretty exciting, I tells ya.
In other news.
Tomorrow I try hypnotherapy to quash my candy/sugar craving.  I think just thinking about it works a little because I'm already eating less candy today than yesterday,  and less the day before than the one before that.  Anticipation. 
Or.  You know.  Post menstrual.
Megan's got the sugar craze too.  I now know what a chupa chup is because of her, and she's discovered licorice altoids, which sound great to me.
And I want these board shorts.  I've never wanted board shorts before now.  But I want them in yellow.

~Amelie, bored short.

2:13 PM

Monday, July 19, 2004  
This is really, really, really cool.  They found an old saloon during a big fancy loft construction project.

Thanks for the scoop, Guphy my dear.


4:31 PM

Spent the weekend in SF with the PF. He took me to a couple of movies and to the SF MOMA for the Larry Sultan: "The Valley" exhibit, a photo exhibit that I highly recommend. We also saw Metallica: Some Kind Of Monster, the documentary about the making of the most recent album by Metallica. It's pretty great. I won't give it away, but I hated them less at the end than I did in the middle. Wait'll you see Hetfield in his rock-a-billy styles. I still am irritated about the whole napster thing, but now it's just funny. The best part of the film is the therapist who hands them post-it notes with lyric ideas. Oh man. You'll die laughing.

Also saw I, Robot and it did nothing for me. I seriously doubt I know anyone who will be very impressed by it.

In other news,

Sees candies sell these evil little boxes with tiny little candies that are mini-suckers minus sticks. It's taken me 3 days to eat an entire box. I bought them to keep myself from eating the dark chocolate covered marzipan candies that I like to eat, but the little hard candies proved to be too much for me.

Also, I read that Arnie called the state legislators "Girlie-Men." And refuses to apologize. Atta boy, Arnold. You are DEFINITELY winning friends. I mean, good grief. Everything the gubernator wants to press will go to the public, and jerks will vote who know nothing about what we need. I know they'll vote, because they're the ones who put him in office. I can't stand it, but I have to laugh: no one with a brain thought Arnold would get a balanced budget on time, or that he'd be able to cut anything that he really wanted. FOCUS, people. We need our taxes raised slightly just to pay for shit we need desperately. Yes, there is waste. Fix that AFTER you pay for kids to have lights in their classrooms and paraplegics have someone who will cook dinners and shop for them, and after the dogs in the shelters are safe for another few days...Sure. You want to cut stuff, but you can't, and you're caught between a rock and a hard place because you were overconfident and full of hot air, but that's no reason to call people names they won't forgive or forget. You won't get re-elected that way. Jerko. But keep it up, because I love the drama.

~Amelie, full of yum.

10:54 AM

Friday, July 16, 2004  
I'll be walking on down to the bloodbank tonight after work...
Apparently, there's a crisis.  Had I but known earlier, I'd have weighed myself AFTER donating...

~Amelie, gallon donor.

2:34 PM

This article is seriously freaking me out.  It's about adopting kids domestically and abroad.  After doing a bit of research, I've basically wiped the idea of adopting a little blond US-born baby who looks just like me off my future to do list.  I've never really dreamed about little blond babies coming out of me, so that's okay.  My poor kids will be the kind that will want to brush "mommy's pretty hair", never knowing secretly that I always wanted to be a brunette with dramatic black bangs...doable with dye, but not realistic.  In any case, I'll let them massage my head with a nice hairbrush anytime.  But I digress...
I knew that it was 'cheaper' to take home a baby with an ailment (hopefully treatable), but I had no idea that people were getting to other countries and being handed babies with SERIOUS problems. I mean, really. There are plenty of American-born babies with FAS and vegetative brains...no one wants to go all the way to Estonia only to be told they were finalized for an adoption of a baby who didn't breathe until he was 15 minutes old. I'm totally scared now! I'm on the "singleton" infolist at Great Wall Adoption, but I haven't really been pursuing that since I'd only have an 8% chance of adopting if I filled out the paperwork and paid the initial fees, and plus, dude; It costs about 20 thousand and I don't own a house to take out the equity yet. And besides, that's equal to 2-3 rounds or IVF if I need it in the future. I don't know WHAT to do anymore. The walls are seriously closing in. I'm going to panic soon, I can feel it...

I'm totally down for adopting a county kid, but I don't want all 20 of their siblings. I could handle a kid with some developmental disabilities, but I can't handle serious physical disorders and medically fragile kids. Not for my first parenting experiment. I basically just don't want them to DIE on me if I take them to Disneyland on the teacups, call me crazy. (PS, I LOVE when people point out that even if I could have kids myself, they might not come out "perfect." Duh, dumbfuck. But if that happened, I wouldn't complain, Ii'd raise my kid because that's the natural thing to do. I'd just be able to say that I didn't pay 30K for the privilege of my own personal disabled child that I didn't fob off on the institutions of California or foist off on unsuspecting, desperate adoptive moms.) You'd be suprised at how many people started off sentences when I first started to panic about this infertility thing with "You know...you could just adopt." As if it were simple and cakey. And now that I point out all the problems with adoption currently, they say shit like "Well, even if you could have kids, it's not like they would necessarily be perfect. And you don't know. They could get hit by a car if they were 3 and then where will you be?" Howzabout someone holds you down while I smash your insensitive stupid face with a bat a few times?

Plus, I'd like for them to be able to respond to me when I talk to them, and I want a kid who would eventually give me grandkids, maybe.

I'm getting depressed again.

Fucking hell.


11:59 AM

Thursday, July 15, 2004  
I just sent the whiniest email to my boss today.

It was about my butt, my tailbone pain, my constant wincing, and my longing for a $500 chair that I knew I'd never get...and then I presented my idea about a special, non embarrassing cushion for my butt bone. I've tried out every chair in the office barring my boss's own. Nothing helps except leaning forward and/or sitting on my hands. Which is no good. Especially if you are planning to type anything ever.

So finally, I called a durable medical supply company. And they don't take no prescriptions for butt cushions.
I whined to the boss man, thinking I'd get nothing for my trouble, but it got me this.   Paid for by work credit cards.  Neato!

However, I'm also going to secretly make some like these people did. I'll use the really funky ones in the car and at home. At work, I need something else. In navy.

In other news,

I viewed Allykat's boo boo yesterday. It's a real rip roarer. I was telling the Marti(a)ns (aka: erica and jeremy) about it while I was making dinner (I made halfway decent chicken tikka masala that was only slightly too spicy), that she cut her hand...and he cuts in with "Was she cutting a bagel???" 'parently, this is a very common hand wound with a kitchen knife. Personally, I never cut bagels. I don't get bags of bagels. If I have a bagel, it's an everything bagel toasted with cream cheese at a cafe. I never worry about boo boos from bagels. Unfortunately, the Ally tried to save some money, and was cutting into her own slippery bagel...and blacked out from the blood loss. Today she's having microsurgery to re-establish nerve coordination to that particular finger. Yeah. It's fucking bad, her finger action. It's really going to be an interesting scar. My thing is, she's the most worried person ever about stuff. But she cuts her finger nearly off and wants to show people the boo boo...so I figured it couldn't be that bad. Right?? BOY, was I wrong. The chica is brave. That cut is BAD BAD BAD. And it's only going to be more interesting. I should have taken a picture of it last night. It looked like her finger was surrounded by tiny little spiders swirling up the index. That's because she's got about 3000 stitches. And like I said, after today's surgery, it's only going to get more interesting....

~Amelie, buttsore butt proud of Ally for being so damn brave.

1:57 PM

Wednesday, July 14, 2004  
This is the most ridiculous thing. When I read news like this, it makes me want to slaughter republicans and make sausages out of them. They are too stupid to exist, much less be allowed to vote. My coworker says we should eat the old, tough, stringy ones who cause all the problems. I say we make dogfood out of them, my dog wouldn't mind a bit of republigristle, but I would. I want the postpubescent youth served up on a platter.

I know you all think I'm kidding, but I don't eat pork. Because it tastes like human meat. How I know this: not from experience. But I read a great book on cannibalism in Papua New Guinea, and pig was the best thing that ever happened to them. They didn't have to wait for funerals to feast, and could avoid the dreaded version of human mad cow (kuru). Yeah. Pigs taste, for all intents and purposes, like human. And you can sort of tell when you burn yourself really badly. The burnt area smells faintly of pork chops, non? Most people like pork chops, but all I can think of is "pig=human flavor. Yuck."

However. I would eat, if it were not murder, a republican. So I say, ammend the constitution. Hunting season: July-December. Year round bow hunting, it's sportier.

I nearly want to petition for this, simply to waste time in congress. If they are willing to entertain something as stupid as a marriage for men and women only ammendment, I am not interested in seeing them alive. Kill them all. It's as pointless as limiting civil rights for everyone else, so let's just get rid of them.

Facts spewed by republicans that are incorrect:

"Marriage between men and women has been around for 5,000 years." If that were true, and it's not, that's a long time to be stupid. In fact, marriage has been around as long as there has been a hierarchy. That's because "marriage" was a special position (later a sacrament) that only the wealthy could achieve. It was a PURCHASE, for the purpose of mingling riches and ensuring the bloodline. Which means the poor people, MY bloodlines, married whoever the fuck they wanted to simply by saying "ya wanna live with me and be my love??" When the serfdoms started up, they had to ask permission from the lords of the manors, and later, from the churches, but still. Basically me and everyone I know is descended from long lines of people who did not have the right to marry ONE man to ONE woman.
It was also done, in some cases, between ONE man and MANY women, and in a few other areas of the world, vicey versey, called Polygamy (still practiced in Utah and a few other isolated areas) and Polyandry; really, this is only practiced in a few very very isolated places, but it's the one that makes the most sense (ideally). It means a woman married to many men. Think about it. Population growth: slow. Genetic inbreeding: lessened, due to slow population growth AND, woman gets needs met. The funny/sad thing about polyandry is that usually it's the woman who has to work, the men often do not. Same thing in Utah, from what I've read.

"Scandinavia and Der nederlands have seen a spurt of babies born to unwed mothers after instituting gay marriage." I'm paraphrasing only slightly. See anything wrong with that assessment? No??? Then I'll tell you. Scandinavia has an incredibly low population growth curve depending on the country {examples in %: Sweden: .02, Finnland: .14 and the Netherlands: .57, the highest of all mentioned by Cornyn (R-Texas) & Stanley Kurz, PhD, Hoover Institute}. Scandinavia also has the highest numbers of unwed professional women in their 30s in all of Europe. Know what happens when you're a very content 35 year old lawyer, missing one thing in life? You find a sperm donor. If only to maintain your country's socialized and very high tax system. Gays and Lesbians generally do not have babies, and once they are married, it's not "out of wedlock" (a little known fact republicans tend to miss due to the legality of it all); in fact, many of them adopt from abroad...FROM UNWED MOTHERS. I wonder if the Hoover Institute (the think tank that piped up with this strange correlation that's had the Republicans huffing and puffing indignantly about the sinful nations of Scandinavia since April) took any of that stuff into account? Perhaps they have. It's not ENTIRELY impossible that republicans have taken shit outta context YET AGAIN.

"Republicans taste bad." It's simply untrue. Any sedentary creature will have more fat on it, but I"m not suggesting we eat Rush Limbaugh. I'm saying we go for their new voting populations. Young and tender, and really, because their mothers didn't have abortions, there are so many of them.

~Amelie, "republibacon is GOOOOOD", La Bonne

PS: I'm fully okay with abolishing legal marriage and making EVERYONE under the constitution a legal domestic partner/civil union, especially since "marriage" as we know it is a church institution first, and civil unions are "not" recognized by any churches that I'm aware of. I say separate church and state, and sure,let your church marry you if you want to do the religious thing, but under the US constitution you would be considered a civil union, with all the rights accorded to current married couples who would be granfathered in to the new CU system. Which is not a bad thing. While it wouldn't cure the ills of republicanism, we could make some headway. Or we could turn them into sausages and eat them at Gay Day, the new national floater holiday.
~according to Amelie.

8:41 AM

Monday, July 12, 2004  
Speaking of Katy's bday party on Sunday, she just sent a group email with the direction on how to make her Bday "cake".
2 2/3 cup of pretzels (crushed)
1 1/2 cups of melted butter
12 oz of cream cheese
1 1/4 cups of sugar
1 large package of strawberry jello
1 large package of frozen strawberries
8 oz of Cool Whip
2 cups of pineapple juice

1. crush pretzels. (my mom used to double bag them, and reverse over them in her
Porsche. do it however you see fit.)

2. line the bottom of a glass pan with pretzels and melted butter. bake at 400
degrees for 10 minutes. set pan in fridge to cool.

3. dissolve jello into boiling pineapple juice. once dissolved, add frozen
strawberries and allow jello to partially set-up.

4. mix cream cheese and sugar together. when butter is hardened, spread cream cheese
mix on top of pretzel base.

5. spread Cool-Whip on top of cream cheese mix.

6. pour jello/strawberry mix on top. (be certain jello is no longer hot, or it will melt the Cool-Whip and make a mess).

7. refrigerate over night.


I wonder if a Honda Civic will work...

~Amelie, who loves pretzels no matter what you do to them.

3:54 PM

I watched a screener of Trekkies 2 last night with some of the goofballs who are in it. It wasn't as funny as the first one; it was mostly sentimental, actually. Sacramento was pretty prominent, thanks to that nutball Dave, uh, "Smith". I think he called the filmmakers 6,000 times to pester them about why he wasn't included in the first film. In this one, he's shown giving a tour of his living room, and before we saw it he professed that he was actually a bit embarrassed. Apparently it's hard to see yourself on The Big Screen admitting you officiated at your friends wedding while wearing a diaper and an archbishop's hat. But I wouldn't know. I'm not a cat called White Meat (Not in the credits!!! For shame!) who is wearing a borg costume and prancing around following a lazer pointer embedded in my skull.

Dave et the No Kill I ensemble are the funniest part of the film, besides the stuff revisiting the previous folks in the first one. I also liked the Italian sci fi convention with all the food and the priest's homily about Captain Picard. That was more surreal than actually being at a star trek convention, and embarrassingly, I have been to my share. I haven't even needed dragging, and yes, I dressed up. But I always qualify that we dressed up as characters from a completely different series called Dr. Who, so there.

In other news, Katy made these crazy sponge things for her birthday party. She cut sponges into strips and then tied them off so there looked like these crazy multicolored dandelion seed heads. You soak them with water and chuck them at the head of some unsuspecting citizen eating a veggie weiner. And then you run like mad. The only problem is that they get dirty, and consequently YOU will get dirty, so if you have a goofy party with these things, prepare to do it on good lawn space with few dirt patches. Alicia brought her homemade hoola-hoops to the party, and I wanted to do it, but all I could think about was my dumb whack hip and femur popping in my joint and causing unmentionable amounts of pain and agony were I to swirl my hips that way in front of staring crowds.

~Amelie, "No hoop for you."

9:19 AM

Friday, July 09, 2004  
Jane has made it to Africa and is slowly making her way to Rwanda. Read about it here.

She's off on a Fulbright-Hayes scholar program to study genocide with a bunch of other folks in education. Pretty neat, sad, and good. She's an amazing chica and I hope people read her blog and look at her photos.

She's also got some gps action going on, so we can actually track her via satellite.
I love her to pieces, but whatta nerd.

Okay, back to work.


3:31 PM

I took the morning off today to get my butt bone xrays for my chiropractor (you can totally see my collapsed disc on the right side, but I have no idea how they can tell my hip/femur action is fuckled up)and to sleep in because I have raging cramps. Turns out my crazy nausea was probably one of my famous Pre Period Migraines From Hell. It swiftly turns into a period from hell and I won't describe it, because really. Gross. But I will say, I'm WAY over being "embarrassed" about getting periods and buying the femme supply stuff. I remember blushing when people said the word "menstrual", and now I'm only embarrassed if people overhear me going off (especially in a restaurant) about a particularly gigantic chunk of tissue that would have shocked my doctor. These are the things that happen when your endometrium is 2-3X thicker than a normal gal's. Anyway. That's what's new in my accursed life of accursed bodily functions from hell. I've gone from death-defying accidents that no one ever took too seriously (except when I described them later) to miserable menstrual complaints than no one takes too seriously. Unless they see me in action. Poor PF. He has seen The Hell. Oh well. It's better than in 2001, when I'd break out into a cold sweat and have to take 3 days off straight in a row with my legs up and my back aching...the pain was phenomenal, and I can take a shitload of pain, normally. The problem with mensrual pain is that it's constant waves of evil vomitty painfulness and you get cold and shakey and you have to take iron and wash it down with ibuprofen etc. etc. When pamprin does nothing for you, you know you have it bad. It's come to my awareness that most people do not know what a really painful, truly heavy, period is. I've got news for you. The ones you had in high school, if they were ragingly painful and incredibly embarrassingly heavy, are only going to get worse in your 30s. Cheers!

Okay. Enough on that dreadful subject. On to the happier things in life:

Have you heard of Charlie the Karate Chimp? I just saw him on animal planet and he gave me shivers, he was so amazing. See, these two upstate New Yorkans take in apes and take care of them until the apes die. They got Charlie and had no idea he was going to blow their minds. The "dad" took him to the gym, and Charlie went for a red karate pad and started kicking the crap out of it. In 15 minutes, he taught Charlie to "Put Up Your Dukes", hit the pad two different ways, and how to do a round kick. That started Charlie off on a life of Karate that would kick your ass. He's a black belt. The animal planet video was truly great. I searched for it, but this was all I could really find. His spinning jump kick is unreal. At least this video shows some of those.

~Amelie, apetastic.

12:14 PM

Thursday, July 08, 2004  
My stomach is roiling again. It could be because I had a black bean burger and scrambled eggs for breakfast, but one never knows. Took another EPT, but it's negatory. That's okay, I bought about 50 of them in bulk from some website specializing in doctor's EPTs. It's probably just my insulin sensitizers that never bothered me before now. I missed 2 days of them and then when I started back up on the new refill, they were different. Maybe the inert crud is making me nauseated in the mornings?

Went to doctor yesterday to have a cat bite inspected (they said I didn't need antibiotics, which made me think they are a little crazy, but whatever.) I also asked about my xrays since my butt bone still hurts all the fucking time when I stand up. She poked around in my medical history and reads off my "normal" tailbone xray report. And then she got all quiet. And then she said "but you do have a collapsed disc at L5 and your femur is flat when it enters your hip. This could be causing the bulk of your problems." And then she looked at me all worried and offered physical therapy. I said "Duh, I KNOW my disc is collapsed, I've had multiple dumb impact accidents. I've been to PT more than you know and it never helps. I didn't know my femur was weird, but that explains the popping; what I want to know is, WHY DOES MY TAILBONE HURT WHEN I STAND UP???" If there's nothing wrong with it, WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT? My lower back pain has been almost constant since age 26, there's nothing new there, my chiro does his magic on me once a month and I walk normally for about 3 weeks. My BUTT, however, has only been hurting for about a month, and only when I stand up from a sitting position in a firm chair. Which makes me think that I should have demanded they take the xray while I was sitting. Goddamn it.

If it's not one shitty medical thing, it's another. I'm way too young for this crap.

~Amelie, cranky and old lady like. In more ways than one.

9:19 AM

Wednesday, July 07, 2004  

I've been reading a lot of comments from liberals about the Wall Street Journal "article" on how Democrats are killing their future voter populations (due to having about 200 more abortions a year than republicans). It's an interesting theory. Not.

But I have a GREAT equalizer just in case it's true. Republicanibalism. That's right. When they hit 18, instead of allowing them to vote, we pump a bolt through their heads at a slaughterhouse and then eat them like the pigs they are.

It's perfect! Totally unflawed, except for vegetarians and vegans, and I bet they'd eat a few just to keep us all checked and balanced. Plus, with all that Republipork on the menu, there's no need for corporate livestock farms, we'd all be eating the New Improved Other White Meat. Petans Rejoice!!! 18 year old Republipork. Sooooo good. Better than Quorn.

The Bush girls are wayyyyy overdue.

~Amelie, who proves democrats ARE smarter. Or at least sillier.

Edit: I just realized there might be someone who doesn't know what I'm talking about, so I'm not linking, but you can check it out. If you wanna. http://www.opinionjournal.com/extra/?id=110005277 My favorite parts are the ones where he compares "missing" Florida voters who were aborted, and it "clearly shows" dems winning Florida by a landslide. I guess he missed the fact that 3 million cast "votes" remained "uncounted"? Mostly by Black people? So basically, if you buy into this ridiculous crap, not only can you not be counted if you are aborted, but you should also know that you don't count in Florida if you are Black.
The very specious article was originally at The American Spectator. I still say we eat them.

10:36 PM

Tuesday, July 06, 2004  
Good things that make my stomach feel better:

Ladybug is making Hoola Hoops. It makes me want to remember how...Ladybug girl, make a lemon hopper thingy too. The lemon thingies that you looped around your ankle with the shaker rattle stuff inside of them. You swung a leg out, leap over the lemon, and keep going until you trip yourself. The 70s didn't really care about safe...

And someone should figure out how to turn those big gym ball things into bouncy animals that adults can ride without popping.

And I definitely need a sit-n-spin sometime in the near future.


Even more: Moe managed to upload that hysterical anti-bush "commercial" onto her server. It's only there for week or so, so go check it out. Seriously.

9:50 AM

My weekend has been pretty great. Except for yesterday, it was fairly fabulous. It basically started on Saturday at 8 AM. I was asked by the wildlife folks whether I wanted to be trained on emergency and triage by the avian vet. I was soooo flattered. I also love the crows and want to take them all home to live with me. I mean I LOVE THEM. I love feeding the begging ones and wiping the food off their gurgly black beaks. I love how the ones you have to force feed act all tough and bitey, and then bow their heads when they realize it's futile and it's their last way to resist. They are like the baby jedi of the bird world, but even if they don't know it, they gotta eat or else they WILL die. I love their blue, blue eyes and how big their birdy bodies are. I don't even mind their poop anymore. There's so much of it, you really stop caring. I never in my life knew I liked birds, and were I asked before doing this work, I would have said "I like songbirds and water fowl." Because really, who doesn't like songbirds and ducks? But yeah. I love the corbids. The crows, magpies and scrubjays that come into the care center. And out of those? I love, love, love the crows.

Later that night, I treated PF to Spiderman II. It was pretty great. We enjoyed it heartily. Go see it.

What else? Oh. We went to a work party (my work) on the 4th. Then we went out to dinner and saw fireworks with the new roomie and Maya. We caught the finale.

Monday AM, I woke up early, packed our lunches, and went fishing with PF. We stopped at McD's for early AM breakfastses (yeah, we've been listening to Lee Hazelwood a lot)and I got the egg mc minus meat and some hash browns and water. Directly following that icky greasefest, I felt sick. And as we passed the Rancho Seco towers on the way to Ione, I was concentrating on not barfing. We got to the Pardee Reservoir later in the morning than we had planned, and the porta potties at the launch were already heating up in the sun. I decided I HAD to pee (it's a no body contact lake (drinking water) with steep banks, so it's not like he could have beached and let me out somewhere, or let me pee over the side of the boat or anything, like I do in the delta). I opened the door and immediately backed away screaming from the hot, thick, poopy stench from hell. PF was laughing at me, until I doubled over in absolute misery. I eventually got up, and staunchly walked across to the bathrooms at the opposite end of the lot, where the last few campers were noisily plodding around. I entered the women's bathroom, and the smell there with FLUSH toilets was nearly as bad and rotten. I started mouth breathing and tried to piss. However, the bathroom was too much for me. I vomited all over the toilet, my clothes, the floor, my shoes, my shorts, my underwear, my hair, and it even splashed up and hit my glasses. I think I heaved 4 or 5 times, and I had NO IDEA how much crud from the night before was actually swimming in my poor stomach. I managed to wipe as much of it up as I could with the crappy toilet paper they provide for your convenience (obviously, not expecting torrents of stomach juice all over the concrete floor.) I don't know what I ate that was incredibly bad, but something this weekend has made me very sick. I sat in the boat, refused to fish, passed out in the sun, and woke up tan (thanks to heavy duty sunblock) and I made PF go back to the launch around noon when I just couldn't take it anymore. Poor fella. He caught next to nothing, I'm sure he was more than just a little worried about me. I felt bad, though. Fishing together on Monday was my big fat idea, and you have no idea how much he had to ante up in gas money for the boat and truck, not to mention the crazy boat launch/fishing/parking fees at Pardee (which sucked, by the way. Hello, you are supposed TO EMPTY porta potties once in a fucking while. Especially during 3 day holidays.)

I got home, slept, and that's it. We rented a movie, but I was really just concentrating on not puking up anything else I ate all day.

Today, I feel a lot better. But my ribs hurt in places I didn't know I had ribs. When you puke that hard and that many times, you pull a few muscles.

Personally, I'm glad we're equipped to puke like that. Forcefully. Because that's evolution, baby. The strongest pukers can eat the most poisonous foods and survive.

Whatever I ate, I hate it. I wish I knew what it was, because I'd never eat that fucker again.

~Amelie, pukemeister.

9:13 AM

Saturday, July 03, 2004  
If you buy movie tickets for, say, a 1:30 AM showing of Spiderman II, do you get the matinee rate?


~Amelie, knowing no.

8:57 PM

Friday, July 02, 2004  
A good thing:

These fireworks are just fun.

Happy Patriotic Weekend!

~Amelie, begrudgingly pro-USA

4:04 PM

Yahoo news just posted that Marlon Brando died. Brando. I thought he was amazing. I'm not sad, just bewildered. Like I never thought THAT could happen, or something.

I knew something was a little off kilter when I woke up this morning.

Other things that are better than Brando dying:

House is really clean.

Roommate is moved in and very nice.

I am still full from Ethiopian food.

~Amelie, a fan.

8:40 AM

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