I'm Afraid of the Dark Without You Close To Me...

C'est Moi!



powered by SignMyGuestbook.com



Courriel:AmelieLaBonne

::Ici::


Buy Blue
Search this site




Le Politique
::MC::
::DK::
::C&L::
::KN::
::EotS::
::IC::
::DFC::
::SBG::
::CP::
::UR::


Les Sites Du Sacramento

::TOP25::

::Bestckasac::
::Cooking Cutie::
::Paper Trail::
::Smitty::
::Cockamamiest::
::PC Postal::
::Lady Bug::
::Sactophile File::
::Golden::
::Papa Ninja::
::Maman Ninja::
::RockASS Ruckus::
::LeftyLoo::
::Ally::
::Wonderland::
::Brodonium::
::Lazerboat::


Mes Amis Au Baie Du SF

::Lil' Miss::
::The Dopey::


Recommande

Pour Voyager
::BNA::
::ACO::

Des Blogs Beaux
::MG::
::MNM::
::LS::
::VD::
::AD::
::RL::
::ATGHH::
::MZ::
:::LNZ::



Les Produits Bons
::OBR::
::TV::
::B::
::KK::
::T::

Bons Bons


::FM::
::PM::
::PCX::
::SSP::
::FG::
::PF::


Wacky And Great
::SODA::
::WT::
::AC::
::CT::
::PO::



 
Archives
<< current









 






























 
Friday, May 28, 2004  
Erica wrote to gatorade about 3 months ago regarding the appalling condition of the supposed perforation in their 20 oz bottle caps. See, they are supposed to be NOT SOLID. But they are. I fully concur with her assessment.

Anyway, Gatorade reps responded today:

>From: ConsumerRelations@cr.gatorade.com >Reply-To: >To: twinkie_slug@_____ >Subject: Re: 4998926A >Date: Fri, 28 May 04 14:18:03 > >RE: Gatorade Thirst Quencher Cool Blue , REF.# 4998926A > >Hello Erica: > >Thank you for contacting us. > >Due to many factors, we have not been able to respond to your concern regarding Gatorade Thirst Quencher Cool Blue as promptly as we would wish. Please accept our apologies. > >We are sorry you had difficulty opening the Gatorade Thirst Quencher Cool Blue bottle cap. There are many factors involved in achieving both a superior sealing system for product protection and an "easy open" function. Although systems are in place for control and monitoring of the cap application process, an occasional "hard to open" container may result due to "over application" of the cap or due to variability in packaging materials. A report of your experience will be made to the Quality Assurance Department so that they can conduct the necessary review at the manufacturing facility. > >Please accept our sincere apologies. It is never our intention that you receive a product that is not in optimal condition. Your comments and the information that you provided are valuable to us. We are sending out an adjustment for your purchase via the U.S. Postal Service. > >We appreciate your continued interest in our products. > > > >Amy > >============================================= >Lately I find it almost impossible to open the 20 oz bottles. Like REALLY impossible. Sometimes I have to wait for my roommate to get home to open it because he's a little stronger. I admit I don't work out, but really. Do you have to make it that hard? My hands are getting shredded. >EMAIL*MESSAGE*END

And for those of you who are interested, I saw Supersize Me. It's great. You will be impressed. It's right up there with Fast Food Nation and Diet For A New America, only it feels VERY honest and real. The only thing Erica pointed out was that we didn't watch every hour of his day. Personally, I didn't want to. But his bloodwork after 30 days of McD's? Totally empirical evidence THAT THIS SHITE IS BAD FOR YOU. And the fact is, McD's food doesn't look like HALF the calories it is. And it's tons of calories. They no longer supersize...

We was a preview of The Corporation as well. I want to see this because the PR dept. for the film called me and told me that they wanted me to spread the word about this film. So I am. I'm also going to tell people that their posters and flyers are available at the Sacramento Natural Foods Co-Op so that if you want to hand them out in Sactown to promote this film, you can. Should be good. I love Noam Chomsky and Naomi Klein.

Okay.

Enough consumer reports. I wanted to thank everyone again about Wingnut kitty, had to take him in for an eye exam (he has a torn cornea for some reason) and the meds my other vet prescribed aren't helping. There was a small credit for Wingnut, and I totall got to use it, and it helped A LOT. He donated the rest to other pets in need. I love you all.

Today, I took the day off. I got a cut and color, a manicure and a pedicure, and I cleaned my house and washed my car. I also took my cat to the vet, see above. I cleaned enough to show the house. I showed my house to a cool architect guy, but the house is too architecturally challenged. I have a feeling I'll be living with my parentals by July 15 if something doesn't happen soon. All the other rentals on Craigslist are 4-500 bucks. I want 600 to share an entire house. I doesn't look like it's going to happen for me...But I think I've been doing so much online hypnosis that it might actually be okay. I'm like, mellow, man. It also helped that I had some maredsous beer tonight.

~Amelie the bombed.




9:16 PM

Wednesday, May 26, 2004  
I bought a bunch of cherries today. Figures, you know?

And I was reading this article about dodgeball. You know, kickball is also fun. And what's REALLY fun??

Playing hide and seek in Sacramento's Land Park Botanical Garden. We played with Seamas once. He found everyone, though.

~Amelie, botanically hidden


3:12 PM

Monday, May 24, 2004  
This weekend was fairly relaxing. Spent Saturday with the Moes sending them my happiest thoughts to give them strength, they are really going through a rough patch. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right??? Jenny's dad threw them a bbq, and Ally, Rob, and a bunch of other folks all went. The funniest moment was when I had to use the facilities and found a baby doll floating face down in the toilet with a tippy cup. I nearly died laughing. The grandma was present and told the 14 month old doll-o-cider that "Oh no. This is not what we do. That is not okay. Take dolly out of the potty now and squeeze her out. Now. That a girl." This was followed by "Okay, wash the hands!" sing songed. Pretty cute. Yes, it makes me want a little girl who will throw her dollies in the potty and laugh about it.

I drove across the golden gate bridge for the first time since it went up to $5. Still lovely to drive into the city.

And then I took the Marina exit, and shot up Divisadero toward the PF's house. Well, more like, I crawled up. Now, I had Seamas in the car with me, and I was thinking "THIS HILL IS F*CKING STEEP!" as I shifted into first gear to get a better grip on the road. However, the steepness was confirmed when I realized Seamas was sitting on the inside of the rear window, awkwardly trying to look like he belonged there. Reminder: avoid SF steep hills in your civic standard shifting HX with dog in back.

I did find good parking, for a freaking change, and we had a nice jaunt in Alamo Square, per our usual doggy park outing. Seamas was the greeter. As in Walmart greeter. He enthusiastically greeted every dog we came across, and then he tried to chase a poodle. The poodle would have nothing to do with him, though, sadly.

Dinner was less of a dinner than a snack, and I crashed out around 10 PM. The end. To a long, busy, Saturday.

Yesterday, I got home in time to plan for my friend Abby to show up. She broke her hand last week and lives out of town, and her doctors are here in Sacto. So, I get to see her. I was cleaning, rushing, watering plants, doing all kinds of things...

I got all caught up in my multitasking preparations, and managed to flood my bathroom while I was cold-soaking some lingerie and a silk skirt. I got all excited that my artichokes have finally gone to bloom all purple and big, and I'd left the water running indoors. Yes. I forgot to turn off the sink. By the time I realized what had happened, my bedroom was flooded partially, and the bathroom was under 1" of water. Thankfully, g(odd) invented towels

Luckily, we fixed the dryer problem that we were having. 50 years to dry each load (did you know that lint builds up in the tubes and the exit??? Here I thought all we have to do is clear the trap. I found a baby sock from when my best friend lived at my house before me. Answers the question about whether the dryer eats socks, don't it?) So I guess it's going to be a lot of towel-washing and carpet-drying for the next few days. But at least it won't take 50 years to dry the towels, like it used to before we cleared the exit tube.

Until next time,

~Amelie


11:21 AM

Tuesday, May 18, 2004  
More on Spartan Women. So they could own their own property and could read. And were able to run nudies with the men in athletic tournaments without being molested. Their boys were removed from them by age 7, turned over to the soldiers barracks, hardened into soldiers (or died trying), and were probably used for sexual gratification, because that was pretty much normal. See, eros, the "sexual" part of "love" was different from philos or agape, (brotherly love and love for one's god). It was plain old lust, and it didn't matter whether it was homo or hetero, they didn't think in those terms. There were no issues with it. You could feel philos and eros at the same time for either sex. And there you have it. The Greeks did whatever they wanted with each other, and no weird issues about it.


And a quick questions.

If your parents are complete assholes with redeeming qualities being few to none, but somehow YOU turned out okay, would you let them blame you for their horrible lives?

Would you try to save them from themselves? Would you have guilt when EVERYTHING they do is fuckled up?

I'm sure you'd feel BAD about how crappy their lives turned out, but if you think that it's somehow your personal fault, then you are as loopy as them.

Non? Ou Oui?

~Amelie, Have Fucked Up Mom and Not Feeling Too Guilty About It.


12:52 PM

Monday, May 17, 2004  
Cute Babies and Blue Bellies
Saturday was SOOO GREAT.

I fed baby birds until noon, and then went home and scrubbed the weird pasty goo off my arms and headed to Bay Meadows to hang with Rob and The Moes. So nice. I made it there in record time, in my opinion. Only potty stopped once, which is in itself a record. I bet one time, but lost by 2 horses. Bay Meadows may be closing, which is sad sad sad. I'm glad Rob got to have yet another bday there. I had a hot dog and popcorn. Naughty carb freak outs keep happening. Really enjoyed myself. Moe's friends Jenna (who taught me how to purl continental) and Andrew have the most solemn cute baby ever. She kept me very entertained just watching her little face while she was thinking. We wandered over to their new house for an hour or two after the party, and had some yummy gouda in their garden. Lovely folks, all of them. Just spectacular calm lovely people.

I'd called Chie a couple of days before, so instead of heading into the city for a late dinner, I went to Cupertino for some job/career peptalk and some I've-missed-you conversation. Chie is soooo amazing. I can't even begin to describe her. She's tall, beautiful, Japanese, bilingual, and her mom sent her to college in the US "because that's where Elvis was from". I guess it didn't matter that she attended school in LA instead of Memphis... She's worked for ex-governors, and now works for big corporations where she reinvents the way they do things in global HR/client relations. She's a really good person to ask for mentoring or advice when it comes to getting your priorities straight about your career. She really has me thinking. Such a good evening!!! It lasted so long, I stayed in Cupertino and begged Ms. Maya to take Seamas out on the town for me on Saturday and Sunday.

Maya was so great for doing that, I offered her lunch and a movie to pay her back. We went to see Troy (watch for the parakeets---Australian, and the llamas---Peruvian being packed away during the "lock down" of Troy by its citizens pre-attack. I started laughing pretty hard. I knew the Greeks were advanced, but not THAT advanced that they had collected llamas from the New World and beat the English to Australia by at least 10,000 years in leaky wooden rowboats...)
During the previews, I ran out to get Maya some licorice. I ran smack into a chest-high wall. I hit it so hard, I nearly went over. In front of people, for god's sake! I was so ashamed, I just sort of stumbled around it in the dark and dazedly walked down the dark hallway toward the door. I saw a woman's head floating towards me in the half light, and moved to her right (my left), and managed to take out her toddler who was knee high to a grasshopper. I felt SOOOOOOOO BAD. But Then again, he/she was tiny and it was pitch black, and I'd given mom plenty of room, had she not been leading a teeny kid by the hand. Carrying small children in the dark: it seems like the kind of thing you do. I picked her kid up off the ground and rubbed his/her tummy and croaked "sorry baby" about 45 times, and then stumbled out into the lighted hall where I thought I was going to throw up. I managed to gasp "It's TOOO FUCKING DARK IN THERE!" to the movie ticket monitor chick. I was still embarrassed about the wall though. I got a diet coke. And a bunch of horrible candy. And made it back to Maya. And sat through a very long, fairly boring, historically inaccurate, film; with a bunch of Viking-looking guys playing greeks. Newsflash: they didn't have llamas and they didn't really have a lot of blond/big giant guys (maybe two, from nordic slave girls) and they didn't all wear mullets and have Irish accents. Sorry to disappoint you. See, if their talking "Hittites"? The Greeks haven't even usurped the Etruscans yet, and Crete would still have been going full swing. No blonds. And the "boy cousins?" well, let's just call them playmates and students. There you go. Women, for the ancient Greeks, were not so much "women" as they were vessels for baby carrying.

Also, Sparta was, well SPARTAN. Women were SEPARATED in compounds from men, and they were all pretty warrior like. That's because the Spartans didn't think weak women should be able to mate with their strong men. Everyone got a robe, a knife, a cup, and a pallet. That was it. AKA "Spartan".

Anyway. The movie was pretty dumb. We can't wait until they make The Oddyssey, completely lacking in monsters and gods.

~Amelie, with a big blue bruised belly.


10:45 AM

Friday, May 14, 2004  
So, after last night's weird little "I'm Eating Carbs Now" fiasco, I'm back on track. And I never thought I'd say this, but sugar free jello snack packs in the watermelon/peach combo are GOOOOOOOD. However, when you miss fruit, probably anything fruity tastes fantastic. Which is probably what I was thinking when I chomped down 15 laffy taffy niblets on my own (sour apple and grape sugar rush of yum!)

The news:
On Wednesday, our cream sofa was removed by a hauler. For $50, I got rid of an eyesore like you can't imagine. I feel horrible about it too, because I spent serious money on that poor battered couch just a couple of years ago. The couch I sold in order to get it? Still looks great. It can be found at Jane's house if you go to her fundraiser on Sunday. I even tried to give it away on Ebay, but no takers. Probably because I was honest about the upholstery problem. In any case, it was a bad looking sofa. Still. It's both heartening and depressing to suddenly have a huge living room.

Yesterday I popped in to The Beat to see Camper Van Beethoven play for free during their anti-clear channel concert. This was directly preceeding their performance at a clear channel venue here in town, The Empire, a new club. They were great, just like I remember from the two other free concerts I've seen them play in, both in Union Square in the 1980s. They have a new album coming out. Great band. Happy making. Then I went out to Erica's house to visit. Nitro, her wonderful whippet, suffered a pneumothorax last Friday morning. What's that??? Why, it's basically when a section of lunch explodes and air breathe in leaks into the chest cavity, making it virtually impossible for the lungs to expand with air and for the heart to pump. It's like suddenly becoming a balloon. And the problem is, every time you breathe, it gets worse, until you can't breathe at all. Which was basically where Nitro was when I rushed them to UCD after picking them up at Mueller (yes, they totally remember Wingnut there), because Mueller didn't have a constant suction machine and UCD did. So, we loaded Nitro onto Erica's lap, with a chest tube and a syringe to pull air out of her chest, into my car. Luckily, Nitro was on morphine. It was 6 AM. She made it, I visited them yesterday. Nitro suffered through two chest tubes and 6 days in the vet hospital. Poor little thing! We watched Matchstick Men, which reminded me a lot of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, I think Dirty Rotten Scoundrels was even better. Still. That would be a good double feature.

This morning Mr. Bun went to Sacramento City Animal Control. They called a bunny rescue lady who apparently comes through and rescues all the bunnies they get. I told them to contact me for anything, and showed the reception girl the tumor (which has become noticeably smaller since he has been getting the proper nutrients!) It's sad in my yard now. But I've planted drought tolerant grass seeds and have been watering for a few days, so hopefully lovely baby grass will pop up soon to cheer me with green.

Tomorrow, I go to the wildlife care association and to San Jose/Foster City for a bday party at Bay Meadows! That's right, wild&crazy Robley is turning 38. I'll try to pop out to see my pal Chie as well, I haven't seen her in ages. And I'll get to see the Moes, who I adore so. It'll be a great visiting day.

I already can't remember what the plan is for Sunday, but I know I'm booked. And I'm booked next weekend for a Larkspur going away party.

I love all these people, but I really wish weekends had either 3 days, or the days had more hours.

You know?

~Amelie, time traveler.


7:52 PM

Thursday, May 13, 2004  
In defense of the South Beach Diet, I'm doing it because I am being treated for insulin resistance, which is wreaking havoc with my hormones. Of course, because of all my walking, my levels are normal, but my hormone/hormone ratios are all off kilter. Which makes the endocrinologists go "Hmmmm...."

And you know?? I've noticed even more subtle changes since I started SERIOUSLY cutting back on carbs.

It's hard to date the PF. He didn't know what a carbohydrate was. He just assumed Bon Bons would be okay when we hit Van Helsing (it was okay. Not too great, but okay effects. Of course. CGI.)

But I'm doing okay. Dinners are usually chicken or beef with salad or cabbage. Snacks are protein drinks or string cheese. Breakfast is usually eggs or cottage cheese with flax seeds. I made "fake lasagna" with turkey breast, neufschatel cheese, and tomato sauce in the microwave.

So far, I'm not hungry. Except when I think about cherries. I'm pretty full, actually. And of course, I'm taking medication for insulin resistance, which has been working it's magic, and I drink gallons of water every day. Well, liters anyway.

And it's so great, because I can take the bus now and still lose my belly fat (in fact, today at the bus stop, when I innocently asked another bus stop person what time the bus comes, he said "soon." and then he said he was Avril Lavigne's dad and that he felt bad because she needed her dad with her, but that he had to be here in Sacramento because the the 9/11 conspiracy and that he was working to save the world. Good thing, too. I don't know what the world would have done without him. And I can't begin to tell you how all that information has changed my life this morning.) I walk Seamas in the AM, walk to the bus stop, and catch the DASH. I've done it since May 1st, and I'm still losing weight. No more crazy 4-6 mile days where I look at myself and say "How come I'm not burning any damn calories??" (answer: you are insulin resistant. Fix it before you become your diabetic mom.) Nope, just normal walking, for enjoyment and exercise. And I bought a 5 lbs fitness ball that I carry in my work bag. I've taken it out a few times to work out aggression against annoying coworker and other frustrating things. It's soft and squishy, so it doubles as a stress ball, and it doesn't hurt when it hits my head when I am working triceps. Think a softer Stretch Armstrong without the stretch.

Okay, that made me think of a joke. And that joke made me remember that a doctor I know personally, recently delivered an 8 Ball from a guy's rectum, and the fella who put it there said yeah, he does this kind of thing all the time. Not that you needed to know that, but I found out at Mom day dinner (at an Afghani restaurant with war rugs all over the walls), and it's been banging around in my head ever since. I keep thinking about banking.
An 8 ball! We all decided it was a good thing the guy doesn't bowl.

Okay, this cute science-for-toddlers idea I grabbled from Mimi Smartypants, my new supermomhero.


~Amelie, red 3, corner pocket.

PS: yes, I read this. I frequently enjoy toothbrushes, water, and gum, thanks.


9:22 AM

Wednesday, May 12, 2004  
I want cherries.

I really want them.

I lessened my carb intake over the course of last week. Then on Monday, I started the South Beach Diet.

For the next 11 days, I am not supposed to eat carbs.

I've done pretty well. I only ate a few bites of the strawberries from my garden yesterday, but I couldn't help it!!! I plucked one, and it was GORGEOUS, and I nibbled it before I remembered I couldn't have it.

I knew the fruit thing would be a problem for me, dammit.

It figures it was hot enough to spark the cherries into production early this spring. Now they are all over the farmer's markets, and the market downtown is today in Cesar Chavez Park.

I'm going to go look at cherries. If I eat a few, they are the lowest on the glycemic index, so I won't feel too horrible.

But still. What are my options, here? Cherry season came early, and it doesn't exactly last a long time. These aren't APPLES for pete's sake.

I love cherries so much, I may have to go off this diet and try again later.

~Amelie, cherry picker.


11:45 AM

Monday, May 10, 2004  
Unbelievable. Or maybe not. How bitter can I get???

Pretty bitter.

The powers that be are going to cower behind a 20 year old gal from a trailer park and let her take all the blame for the Iraqi prison pictures. Sure, laughing at nekkid prisoners and guiding them around on a leash while they are grimacing is not exactly wholesome behavior. But all her fault??? I think not. No, she had commanding officers, folks. They need to stand up RIGHT NEXT TO HER.

But they ain't. Instead of standing up and allowing themselves to be viewed in court, they are letting her take it all

This gal's private life will be scrutinized like any criminal, but they will be off scott free.

She's a private, not high up in the military. Yet the generals are letting her get pinned with everything.

Figures.
It figures it's a woman getting taken down, do I have to get into the sexist reasoning here?. It figures that it's a young person getting taken down, instead of someone in charge during all the months this has been going on. It figures that this is going to be TOTALLY ACCEPTED by America At Large.

Sickening. I hate us right now.

~Amelie. Feh.



12:00 PM

 
I love The Fabulous Anil Dash. He always has something great linked to his blog. Like this hip hop rap song about blogs. There's nothing nerdier. It's up there with the video of Spock singing about hobbits, dammit. like the story behind the story as well. Can you imagine??? Lyric fights on blogs. Oh man.


"I know why the unicorn cries."
Okay bloggers. Enjoy.


~Amelie La Bonne. Bring it.


10:47 AM

Sunday, May 09, 2004  
Happy Mom Day!

Hopefully you still get along with your mom, or have fond memories of her. Some folks don't. Luckily, I am currently getting along with my mom. Probably because I haven't seen her in ages.

Other news:

Woah.

Nancy Reagan made an impassioned speech on stem cell research on behalf of her husband, Ronald Reagan who suffers from alzheimer's disease. Coming from a republican stronghold like that, it makes me both glad, and upset. It's always been obvious to me that Republicans generally come out for things like this only when it benefits themselves.

"Abortion...only for rape...and for harvesting stem cells for our fave pres, Ronald."

It's just never for the benefit of all so that all are not worse off. There's a constant "what's in it for me" position that I don't see regularly from other political agendas. Correct me if I'm wrong, because I know there are some mistakes made no matter what with other policies, but it seems to me Repugs are out for themselves, "God Willing."

I don't trust republicans for reasons like the one above.
We'll see what happens. Will it be waffley GWB, trying to save "Uncle Ronny"? or will it be "just say no!" And why it's left up to a minority of stupid fools to decided and determine our medical futures, I don't know. If they would take a stance and say "No help for anyone suffering from horrible diseases. Let God's decision run it's course." I would have infinitely more respect for them. Oh, I'd still hate them, but I'd begrudgingly hold that their decision is bad for everyone across the board.

And just for your own future concerns, some researchers think it's caused by hardening of arteries, so I guess eating right (foods with folic acid, non-saturated fats, and phytonutrients), avoiding stress and doing crossword puzzles, are completely in your best interest. Just don't try to run a country.

~Amelie, hung over and going to garden parties all day with Mommy, La Bonne.


9:58 AM

Friday, May 07, 2004  
Who loves Jane???

I do. I adore this gal. She's beautiful, smart, charismatic, hot, funny, and busy as fuck-all. But luckily, I'm busier. Until recently!!! Shite!

A little birdie told me (allykat) that you got in to UCD law school and are heading to AFRICA on a fellowship program to study something important! I forgot what, because I'm drinking and tired.

Jesus. And I thought I was brilliant and amazing.

You go, Jane baby. May I live vicariously through you. Post photos of Africa, s'il te plaite.

Jane H: Double bachelors/minor, Race car driver, fab feminist, angelina lookalike, master of education tech, teacher, designer, world traveler, and now Law Student Extraordinaire. Odds are that you go into intellectual property, oh yeah baby. Hard core.

~Amelie, who knows what it's like to do too much yet thrive.


11:14 PM

 
I hate hate hate tee shirts with logos, or with band themes.

I love love love tee shirts that say something random.

Like these by this chick Julie on myspace.com I really love the muscle tee, even though I can't wear it very well because of my manly fat arms.

I also love this one by the mightiest.

Or. You know.

Amelie stuff. But I'm looking for a new vendor since "cafeshops" once sent me an email saying they owned my art now.

~Amelie, no they do not own my art, La Bonne.


5:09 PM

 
This stuff happens, but it doesn't happen very often. School Shooting, again. Still, it's very scary stuff.

But everyone forgets the biggest, scariest one. It happened in Bath, Michigan in 1927, and the person who killed all of those kids with a boiler room bomb a la "heathers"?

A school board administrator who wasn't getting his way.

Yeah. I ain't kidding. To this day, it is still the worst targeted school mass murder of children and teachers ever in the US of A.

~Amelie, still horrified about the fact that some idiot just shot up a bunch of kids.


3:44 PM

Wednesday, May 05, 2004  
Know anyone who needs a place to live in Sacto???

If so, direct them here to this craigslist post.


6:11 PM

 
Okay, YES.

Yes.

I am easily amused.


3:37 PM

 
First off, I would like to say I generally despise reality TV. If I wanted reality, I wouldn't watch TV in the first place. Which is why the only reality TV shows I respect are generally made in Japan. Along with everything else that keeps its value. But I digress.

When Martha Stewart went down, so did morning TV as I know it. My routine used to be walk dog, watch Today show while I was getting ready for work, and Martha Stewart Living while I ate breakfast. I'd always leave at 15 minutes to 10 AM, when I had to be at work. Unless I was walking, and in that case, I'd leave about 25 minutes early (and get in about 10 minutes late, but oh well, I rarely get a full lunch hour. But I digress.)

At first Channel 10 tried to make my life happy by foisting some animal show on me. But there are better shows on Animal Planet, so I would switch to HGTV or watch BBCA. I would still miss Martha. Sometimes I'd get lazy and end up staring zombified at stupid Regis and Kelly, pandering to the pathetic. I didn't want to be pathetic, so I'd turn on channel 13. Yick. Montel is on at 9. Puke. The worst thing, besides soap operas???? Bad talk shows like Montel Williams. They are the WORST. I much prefer Jerry Springer-style. At least you know what you're getting in to. But the fakey sensitive shows that still exploit the stupid? I hate those. I gag on those.

About 2 weeks ago, I gave Channel 10 another try. They switch formats about every week or so, but I think everyone is also getting into this show.

Ambush Makeover.

I love it. I love it.

Weirdly, it looks like it's actually a Fox network show, but I watch it on CBS. Or ABC. One of those. They are probably owned by Fox. Sigh. Anyway.

Okay. There are 3 or 4 "guides" types that infiltrate middle america. They are each located in a different city. The mission? To daily change 3 or 4 people's looks/lives. They run up to strangers in the street, in parking lots while they get into cars, and in parks. With a camera. So basically, you are caught looking "bad." This is not appealing to some people, and often the "guide" gets cussed out. Which I get a kick out of every time. The guide's job is similar to the queer eye guys, but it's ONE person. And they cut out the decorating/cooking part of the show, and focus on a day of personal style.

They always have a deadline they have to meet, so the "makeover-ee" is basically dragged around by the nose for a day. He or she is taken immediately to a local salon, and they style the person's hair/color it/give them sound advice for make-up (always fairly natural, or flatteringly stunning), and then the "guide" drags them off to a boutique while their hair is drying. And skanks them out a little. Which is fine, for dressy events where you want to make an entrance. And when they are all done, they look like a glossy version of themselves (usually with clothes I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole, but whatever. I don't like trendy fashions.) I DO always like their hair and makeup, though.

The end of each session is always the same; around 7 PM, the makeoveree either HAS to be somewhere already, or the guide sets up a "date" with their family or SO. And then, they disguise the person to make them look awful. Think: ugly black wig over pretty delicate highlights. Or ugly muumuu over swanky dress.

Yesterday, they made over a guy who looked like Arizona's version of Santa. He came out looking, I kid you not, 30 years younger and like someone's dad. He didn't look creepy at all, and believe me, he looked sort of creepy as a santa. Today the 1st half of the show focused on a young mom who they convinced to skip school in order to get made over. She looked AMAZING afterwards.

This show is brilliant. They don't do anything extreme, they sort of embarrass you by pointing out how bad sweatpants look on EVERYONE, they fix damaged hair/bangs/seriously misguided coloring, and then they show you how to do your make up. And it's regional, so they get salons that are Up For The Challenge. And it's free to the participant, so long as they can find someone to watch their kids for the day of pampering. They always look like champs, and the only thing I don't like is the fact that if you are an individual with a "different" style preference, you are not going to like what they do to you. Then again, they focus on middle america. I've never seen Arkansas before. I had no idea they had salons. JK, okay?? I'm joking.

All right. I'm done. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, I don't miss Martha as much as I used to.

Happy Cinco De Mayo, Viva Zapata, Aztlan, and all that jazz.

~Amelie, ¡Arriba! ¡Endele! ¡Ai, Ai!


11:15 AM

Monday, May 03, 2004  
Another blog-of-note discovery for me, Mimi Smartypants.


One more busy weekend under my belt. More volunteering at the Wildlife Care Association, more bunny problems. Turns out, the SPCA won't take the bunny. I drove out there, and they said "Nope." So, I have to work hard on getting him adopted out. He likes my dog, though. The gal at the SPCA said there was no way of telling how old he is, and she thinks he has a tumor, not an abscess. Great. Just my luck, finding an abandoned bun bun with cancer that nobody wants. I can't let him be "put down" though. Not when I just saved his life, and he's eating, and he plays with my dog. You know?

So. Buns for grabs to a nice home.

I'm still really bothered by the photos of our military. Here is a Democracy Now article that basically stated everything concisely: we have been lied to. It's a constant state of being for us, it's not uncommon all over the globe, and it's not something I enjoy, but this war has all been blatantly misleading. There's nothing THERE for us. We have sent people there to TORTURE OTHERS. What part of policy "Zero Tolerance for Terrorism" did we miss??? I don't think that's something I will get over. I am sickened, but I also knew it was happening; I ain't an idiot. I just needed to see it visually, I guess, to remember the truth: humans are wicked creatures, and nothing is worse than war and tyranny and violations of human rights and bodies. My response to the ultra pro military families who can't differentiate between "bad" people peppering our "troops" and "good" individual people who are for peace and anti colonialism: shut the hell up, I'm so sick of you, you complete morons. Your sons and daughters are evil, and you can go to church all you want, but you created monsters. I hope you are swept up in the rapture, you garbage from hell. As for the Iraqis killing our men and women, all I can say is, I hope they get out of your country soon and come back to ours where they can be prosecuted for war crimes, so please stop sniping them, because there are a few I'd like to see strangled and at least court martialed back here in the good old USA.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be....Army officers, apparently. And weirdly, when I couldn't get into the peace corps because I can't be parted from my dog, I actually looked into joining a branch of the military. I'm so glad I didn't, as I'd be so embarrassed about my peers actions. Now, I'm just a pissed-off citizen, and that is infinitely less frustrating.


In other news, my people are a bit wacky. I knew Swedes were good for a laugh, but I had no idea they were so serious about the jokes.

Anyway, it's looking like it will be a nice monday. This is good.
~Amelie


11:47 AM

 
This page is powered by Blogger.