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Wednesday, December 31, 2003  

Yup, it's that time of year again.

I cannot believe I am sitting around with my hair in curlers trying not to smudge my pink toes because I added glitter to them. I considered painting my nails, but for some reason I look so goofy with painted fingernails, I took it all off.

We are going to go somewhere in town for sushi at the shortest line possible since no one is taking reservations for 2 or 3 (I think I can persuade Erica to come out). I figure if we get our names it, we can head over to Tower Books or something. I want to buy Middlesex because that's what book club is reading in 2 weeks and one of my NYResolutions (besides doing yoga in the morning before walking my dog) is to hit 9/12 monthly book club meetings and to have finished the book well in advance (the last bc meeting I went to, I was 5 minutes late because I had just finished the book. That's lame. Even I admit it.)

Tonight there is a party or two we might hit. I refuse to pay a cover like last year. If it gets nuts, I am dragging PF to the Streets Of London where we can quietly get smashed by the fireplace. Which is what we tried to do last year, but we in turn were dragged off to a gay bar (the Depot---it has The Best Women's Bathroom In Town FYI) where I had about 5 too many whiskey sours. That, my dears, is not going to happen this year. I wish we had a tiki bar in town. I'd be down for some Tonga Room action.

PF is driving here right now from San Francisco. I went there last night (I got pictures of the wonderful Michelle with her lovely giant iguana, Clarence, so I shall post as soon as I download the drivers for my camera). Tomorrow, we are taking Seamas to Carmel, and we're going to the Monterey Bay Aquarium

Because how fun to spend the first day of the year petting manta reys and staring at jelly fish. We'll wander around Monterey I'm sure, and in Carmel there's plenty of pro-dog restaurants where Seamas can laze at our feet and whine for treats.

That's the plan. We're staying at this funky little b&b but the music on the website is so horrid, I ain't linking due to embarrassment.

Get out of town tomorrow, try not to get too drunk tonight.

~amelie, fat chance, la bonne

6:31 PM

Monday, December 29, 2003  
We have no power at the house.

However, I have made a dent in my closet anyway. I sold a leather coat for 6.47 bucks. This seems like I was ripped off, but really, that's about 10% of what I paid for it on sale, and it's 3 years old. Plus, I don't wear it. I tried to sell some cashmere sweaters, but the place I sold the coat wouldn't take them. Not "trendy" enough for their customers!!!

I discovered, also, that is you burn old wet wood, the beetles pop and make a really horrible smell.

I am going to a 4 Eyes show tonight to get out of my dreary dark house.

And I'm even considering driving to SF tonight to get out of this blackness....And going to the SFMOMA with the PF tomorrow.

But I dunno.


4:30 PM

Sunday, December 28, 2003  
Okay. So the mad cows are getting a lot of press now. Loads of countries are banning our meat. That's okay by me! Though it sucks for the meat industry (boo hoo. Treat your employees and the cows better, ya bastards). I am hoping that the US finally gets off it's high horsecow and admits that eh, hello, feeding herbivores meat from their own moms is NOT a good idea. In general.

What is a Prion?
A: a prion is a normal protein substance. They cannot find the nucleic acid agent, but researchers are pretty sure it exists. Somehow. Somewhere. Basically, until they have a better cause identified, the Prion is the most suspect. Current science thinks that prion protein saturation is the cause of BSE, Scrapie, Kuru, CJD, etc. They occur naturally about 1/10,000 times in brain tissues. Cannibalistic cultures are more susceptible (go ahead. Google for Papua New Guineans and Kuru). Anyway, it was just a question of time, as most meat industry people not in denial can admit. Sadly, BSE can only be found after an animal is killed. It's not like we humanely test our livestock and only cull the ones with the disease. Entire feedlots of 'healthy' looking animals are destroyed because we are insane and think the equivalent of Soylent Green is okay in the animal kingdom. Of course, we still don't really know what causes it. But I'm willing to get that if these things can't be properly destroyed, then they can be passed by ingestion. That's just my lowly non scientific idea based on what other people think.

You know, cannibalism is taboo for many good reasons.

Why is the prion bad?
Well, if you load enough of them, they eventually destroy brain tissue. According to folks who think the Prion causes the spongy brain problems. The prion is currently blamed as the cause of all transmissable spongiform encephalopathies. That means, in the most basic terms, that your brain turns to mush. Blood stops flowing to the areas that make you balance and remember things. The brain slowly deteriorates to the point that it can't tell other parts of your body what to do. All the regulators turn off. But the good thing is, you won't remember what is happening to you. Hopefully.

How do I get it?
Some people say meat in general, some people say brain tissue specifically. Basically, if you've been eating hamburgers during the last 10 years, you may have been exposed to prions. Cooking prions does not show that they are destroyed, which is bizarre. Charring something ought to decimate it, right? According to studies I have read, they a pyramid or rod shaped (these shapes are apparently NOT normal for this substance) and very weird. Weird because they don't TELL cells to do anything, they just ARE. They are proteins that cells encode FOR, like mucus or other stuff on cell membranes. I've got a sneaking suspicion that Prions will eventually be a marker for the disease, and not actually the cause. But I don't want to second guess anyone actually doing research on this stuff. I don't know why they aren't destroyed by cooking. However, I'm damn sure that medical science will have a beneficial use for them in 20 years or less. Apparently, there's vertical transmission of OSE (in sheep) from mother sheep to lamb. I can't remember if Kuru was transmitted similarly in humans, but it may have been.

How long do I have before it kills me?
It's a long incubation, from what I understand. From 2-8 years (this is faster than normally occuring CJD, apparently.). We see it in animals more because they have shorter lifespans. However, you probably don't have it, as it's still not quite something we need to freak out about. While I've read stuff that says it's in muscle meat, it's more concentrated in brain and nervous tissue (like spinal cord). Um. Unless you are ingesting that in bulk, it's not likely you will get it. But meat? Always a nice thing to avoid large quantities of. Eat your broccoli instead for awhile. Of course, kids and old people: always more susceptible to these kinds of infectious agents. The CJD that they think is caused by eating meat products is still going to kill you within one year of your being diagnosed.

Does it matter?
Not really. I mean, really. You are eventually going to die, and worrying about meat (if you eat it) is not going to keep you from getting prions in your brain tissue. You could stop eating meat now, of course. But what good will that do you? If it's in the beef supply, and we have it in 8 states, and we only have a few slaughterhouses for ALL of the US, and we eat a lot of burgers, well. I'm sorry. Of all the things to avoid, this one is probably right up there with air pollution.

See, we have crap practices in slaughterhouses. We kill and eat our livestock in ways that are just plain horrifying. Too horrid to go into detail. Not to be alarmist, but really. It's bad. Bad enough to make me want to raise my own chickens.

If you ALWAYS eat grain or grass fed beef, and meats grown in more sustainable manners than those proscribed by McD's, then you are probably fine. Unless the hypothesis that it's a vector lurking in grass causing the SE is true. Watch it be some trombiculid mite. That would make me laugh, ha. Ha. McD's taken down by a MITE! Or even better, a nematode...yick yick yick. Or maybe it's organophosphates. Used to kill the creepy little warble fly. Warble flies lay eggs on the hair and the maggots bury under the skin of livestock. The maggot cuts a little hole in the flesh of the animal to breathe. Eventually, it pupates and falls on the ground where it will become a new warble fly looking for a mate. The old way of getting rid of warble flies? Cover the hole with goo to smother them, and then pop them out like a pimple and smoosh them. The English way to get rrid of them? Pour an absorbent organophosphate pesticide on the animal and let the little maggots rot in the skin. Hmmm. Yucky. I like the pop and smoosh method for esthetic reasons, but I know no one wants that job, so we probably pour OP on our cows too.

If not, it's not going to kill you to not worry about it too much. Because I hear stress is bad for you too.

~Amelie, who still won't eat pork on purpose. Yech. And is working to eat lower on the food chain.

1:57 PM

I spent wayyyy too much time with Maya at the Bonne L'Air. Therefore, I nearly pissed myself while perusing this Cockeyed Prank.

remind me to go to Rob's for next 4th of July.

The last fun one I went to was when we set off flowers in Archbishop Dave "uh, Smith..." ' s toilet. Which, by the way, is hilarious fun.


I have so completely procrastinated, that my bed is covered in crud that I have to sleep on top of.

~Amelie, who hates hates hates cleaning her room.

12:35 AM

Saturday, December 27, 2003  
you are lightskyblue

Your dominant hues are cyan and blue. You like people and enjoy making friends. You're conservative and like to make sure things make sense before you step into them, especially in relationships. You are curious but respected for your opinions by people who you sometimes wouldn't even suspect.

Your saturation level is lower than average - You don't stress out over things and don't understand people who do. Finishing projects may sometimes be a challenge, but you schedule time as you see fit and the important things all happen in the end, even if not everyone sees your grand master plan.

Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.
the spacefem.com html color quiz

I don't think I'm conservative. Harrumph.


Far-Left Liberal
Where do you fall on the liberal - conservative political spectrum? (United States)

brought to you by Quizilla

However, I'm not sure I'm all that far left either...I say "yay to gay" and "boo to execution". But I'm certainly all for ostracision and life imprisonment under lights naked like a bug for heinous crimes. I think rape (all types), murder committed in cold blood and during violent crimes, child porn, stuff like that, is heinous, and punishable by "death"--- (through long, cold, hellishly miserable and insane, life imprisoned). I said yup to affirmative action as a leg-up. I said abortion for any reason; it's your pregnancy, so deal with it as you see fit. I certainly do not want people who do not want kids and who don't get prenatal care to have babies; I feel like it's up to the individual to decide what they are going to do and it's personal. Don't get me started, I guess... I said I like immigrants mucho (they work sooo hard! They inspire me), however, I don't need to incorporate foreign social norms into law. I'm still getting used to being born in THIS country. If you come here, speak your language, but be prepared to learn and understand basic English and do not cane your children. My need to ignore the naturalized immigrant's social norms: this does not mean "you must assimilate" like the borg (please do not act like most of the assholes here! Find some happy medium) or "you are not allowed to set up businesses etc. in areas like "Chinatown"." In fact, please do. We need the tax base, anyway!! I'm also appalled at the lack of foreign language education in public elementary schools. That would be my advice as a "leg-up" to the general population. We need to learn a few Asian dialects, as well as Spanish. So, really, with all the extra info, I'm not all that lefty.

Basically, if you go too far on either end it's fascist and circular. So I'm wondering if it's not outdated to state "left to right".

I'm definitely in the grayscale. Somewhere.

~Amelie, who is procrastinating mightily about cleaning her room.

8:39 PM

I don't care *WHO* Legolas' fluffer is. Just bring him to me.

~Amelie, in need of Elfin Magic.

10:49 AM

Thursday, December 25, 2003  
Happy Holidays!

It's Christmas. I just made a snowflake thanks to Megan again.

Yesterday, my brother's car was hit by a car that ran a stop at 26th and Q Streets. We were on Q. I was on the passenger side, in the back. The car that hit us? Slammed into my brother's little car right where I was sitting, at the level of my hips. I hit my face on the window. We were coming home from The Fox and Goose where Maya, Henry and I had just eaten breakfast. We were listening to Thin White Rope. Then BAM. Yowch. Yes, everyone is insured. I think my brother's insurance is going to total his car, unfortunately. This sucks, because he just bought it. My hip hurts, and my neck/head hurt, but that's about it so far.

It was a good day, though. After all is said and done. My sister adopted a pit bull puppy yesterday that she has named Buster Brown. He is 10 weeks old and is a holy terror. My prescription? Crate training, puppy preschool, dog obedience, socialization, socialization, socialization, clicker training, and "no bite" training. He has already bitten me, Maya, and my sister. But he's so cute, it's tolerable. And believe it or not, just two days of training and he's nearly accident-free and is gentle-mouthed when reminded. Pits are naturally dog aggressive (they were bred to love people and go after other dogs), so it's incredibly important to train him to be gentle and get him socialized around dogs now when he's a baby; what's scary is that some people breed them for fighting even now, and they don't care if the pit bull is even people friendly; this has caused pit bulls to be banned from many cities. Sadly, the pit bull is also one of the ONLY breeds to be fully "American", the American Pit Bull (the biggest of the group) is what this pup is. It's really sad to think that these dogs were bred to fight originally. Not work, not leisure, not hunting--FIGHTING. Luckily, they are also very smart for the most part, and can be taught to control themelves. I suggested a muzzle to my sis, and she winced, but seriously. He may need it. He is WAY more aggressive than other puppies I've ever met. How did she pick him? Well, my brother is a tutor and one of his students mentioned that her boyfriend was getting rid of a puppy he'd bought IN OAK PARK recently due to the fact that he is moving into an apartment (key words: Oak Park. This is Sacramento's version of a "bad neighborhood". We have 3 areas that are considered "sketchy", and Oak Park is infamous for it's doggy fighting rings.) In any case, he is alert, pays attention, and is incredibly cute. Buster. She's got her hands full. Merry Christmas, Buster!

I'm tired. I just finished making pancakes for many people this morning. I ran out of eggs. I ran out of milk. And nothing is open.

PF and I are going to see Cold Mountain today because Maya and I couldn't get him to see Big Fish.

Other new things:

My insane daddy bought me a Bow Lingual. I'm so curious as to how I'm supposed to program my dog's breed so that it can properly interpret him. "Mutt" is probably not going to cut it ;o)

My PF got me a tee shirt for the 4 Star Theater and a Petzl headlamp. I'm now the ulta nerd girl of his dreams.

My best gives were a purse mirror from Red Envelope that I had engraved with 'Poo', my sister's nickname. And I'm sending my parents here for a night. Pretty good, non?

~Amelie "Happy Holidays" La Bonne.

4:05 PM

Monday, December 22, 2003  
More posts...

If you live in California, you know there was a 6.5 eq today. 2 people are dead, hopefully that's all. More yucky: I am driving down to LA right over the faults next weekend. So that means, of course, aftershocks galore.

You can track them here: Seismic State

Thanks Bev!


3:43 PM

Jack White is going to be wearing black and white stripes...naughty! He punched out some guy in Michigan concert. Now, I understand living in Michigan must be hard, but really. You just don't hit people, Jack-o.

I am not a huge fan, but a fan nevertheless. I'm slightly embarrassed to like a band where the 28 year old lead singer looks like a vampire.

But what are you going to do?

~Amelie, who had a giggle over imagining him in a jailbird prison shirt, which is so godard in a way...

3:28 PM

When the person who said "It happens in threes" said that, I think they meant something besides computers. However, they will be pleased to note that it still applies nevertheless. I'm now working from the library computer. Because the extra one in the main office, where I worked all last week, is blown out. Due to power surges.

Apparently no one thought the "extra" computer was worth the trouble of plugging into a surge protector. So, it was pluggled into the wall. And now, I am in the library.

That's 3 computers, count 'em (house: worms and viruses, workstation: power source defective, and extra computer: blown by more power surges). Weird, non?

I woke up tired. That is always a bad sign. And my coffee is merely staving off a headache, it's not actually waking me up and making me a more productive person. I need more.

I did perfect the art of Hard Candy Making last night. I managed to make flawless root beer and cantaloupe flavored hard candy. It's better than any brach's rootbeer barrels or (hmm. I don't know who makes cantaloupe flavored candy) melon candy you can buy in the store. It's that good. And I didn't even get a candy splinter this time.

..........I finished watching Swimming Pool yesterday when the power came back on in San Francisco (we just happened to be in a neighborhood that was one of the last to have their power restored). What happened at the end? I went to a review site and read other people's ideas about the movie, and the overwhelming consensus from the euro-trash was that Americans didn't get it because we can't handle abstract art that makes us think of alternative endings. I say that's hogwash. I say that the ending was re-edited somehow to make it fit some arbitrary production decision and had nothing to do with the actual story. We are left with weird flashes and half-assed explanations and we don't know if the end actually happened or if the entire film was a dream. And that has nothing to do with whether I can handle The Abstract. It has everything to do with confusion.

~Amelie, not liking that French Direction.

11:15 AM

Sunday, December 21, 2003  
Well, I'm in SF. Yesterday I was watching a promotional videotape of Swimming Pool (I had just finished Sylvia and Spellbound), and was waiting for PF to come home from work, when the power went out. Seamas and I are very independent, so I hunted up some candles and opened the drapes to look out for car crashes.

We saw 2 accidents, 10 fire trucks, and lots of near misses. Pretty much 1/5 of SF was without power last night, it went out at 5:55 PM. The stores that were open were running off of battery power from their cars. It was nuts!! PF came home 15 minutes into the outtage, and we sat and watched the rain and made shadow puppets with the flashlight and ate ramen boiled on the gas stove in the dark. We just tried to entertain ourselves in pitch blackness. For 6 hours.
Until we finally had enough and decided to brave it over the bridge to the East Bay against all the warnings on the radio. It was crazy, the lights were all out. We made it just in time to see The Cooler with William H. Macy. I was, of course, cranky due to lack of food, but I was really glad to get out of the house and to see a great movie (minus the "This is a promotional video only" scrolling through it). All in all, I highly recommend The Cooler. It's really good! It'll be a sleeper, but I seriously think you oughtta go see it. I didn't know what a cooler was until I saw this. I give it 4.5/5 stars. Serious.

It's been a hectic weekend. Although it's a great new apartment with lots of windows and houseplants and art, and one of his roommates has a giant iguana named Clarence who lives in the living room in a giant plexiglass and wood containment. It's the size of 2 large armoires and it's deeper than most walk-in closets. Clarence is bigger than Seamas and he watches TV if it's something he's intrigued by. Yesterday he ignored Sylvia, but watched Spellbound. I had no idea iguanas liked movies. Clarence is easily 6 feet long from tip to tail, and is as big around as my dog. The nails on his claws are longer than my thumbs. He's gorgeous. I love him.

~Amelie, so glad the power is on again, La Bonne.

10:37 AM

Friday, December 19, 2003  
From Cialadybug who found this little funny...

12:40 PM

I made my brother drive me to work this morning because I'm feeling particularly lazy. En route, we discovered that 85% of the drivers this morning had not had their coffee.

Don't you think it would be great if a random 15% of drivers were given special horns that disabled annoying drivers? It would send the baddies off to the side of the road for 5-15 minute stall/"time out" to "think about" the stupid move they just made. It could be similar to the signal ambulances send out to traffic signals when they are sailing down the road with their sirens on.
I don't even honk very often now, but if I had the power to send drivers who were worse than me to the side of the road? You bet I would do it every once in awhile. All a horn does is make noise and make me jump in my seat. It would be a good thing for cops to have too; no more stupid chases (unless the criminals illegally disable the stall assigner on their car). I figure it would have to be a small percentage of the population, because if everyone had one, either everyone would use them, or no one would (because of retaliatory action). In any case, it would solve the problem of the annoying loud horn that does nothing except startle me even if it's not meant for me. (PF thinks I think it's a virtue to be patient and NOT use the horn. In reality, I learned to drive with a broken horn, and it's locked in. I don't use my horn unless I'm really pressed for time or seriously annoyed beyond beyond. Which is why I'd be a perfect candidate for using the Subjective Car Staller.)

I'd of course use it only on people who: don't use a signal, stop in the middle of the road to figure out if they are supposed to go straight or turn, turn into pedestrians walking in the crosswalk, overshoot the point of the gore lines in an intersection, cut people off, hit-and-run, decide not to "go" when the light is green or decide to "go" when the light is red...or if they are a decidedly obnoxious person with really loud music blaring...or they get belligerent and full of rage and start intimidatingly stalking other cars they are "mad at", then I will push my button on them. Maybe I could equip my bike with one too! Suddenly horrible would-be murderous drivers who never notice the bicyclist would be stuck, wondering what stupid thing they did to deserve being late to work, and I'd pedal on by smiling.

And they would never know it was me. And automobile disorder in my vicinity as I know it will be stopped. For 5-15 minutes.

~Amelie, traffic citizen.

11:05 AM

Having done this one twice and getting the same result, I'm resigned to the idea that my "leadership personality" is Mother Teresa. I'm really weirded out that they call her a "Macedonian Dwarf".

You should do it. Find out if you're Bill Clinton or something.

~Amelie "Call me The Mama" La Bonne

9:38 AM

Thursday, December 18, 2003  

2:53 PM

Normally, I wouldn't send people to the American Family website, but I'm taking a risk by telling you about the link now. Cut and paste it. I don't really want 'em coming back and reading my diary.


I'm all for gay marriage with full respect accorded. So, that's what I voted for. I'm gambling you will too, and therefore the AFA won't be able to take another homophobic bill to the US Congress. Because based on their own data, from their own website, the US populace says they are okay with it, so the AFA can stuff themselves.

Right? Of course right. Er. Or left.


2:51 PM

Oh, this looks good.....Thai Ginger Candy

12:46 PM

I have a sugar hangover. It's because Jeremy, Erica and I made hard candy last night. I downloaded recipes from Lorannoils and we made a purple bubblegum flavored candy (stovetop directions) and Icicle Candy. The Icicle candy is very gooey. It's not supposed to be, it's meant to be hard and crystalline. But I think my microwave is weak, so the sugar didn't get hot enough. The icicles looked great last night, but the sugar sucked the humidity out of the air and now they are pretty icky. I brought them to work anyway, because they are the best flavor (blueberry). It's now one solid block of what looks like blue ice. The other candy was green apple and purple bubblegum flavors. I wonder if you can get the flavors to be more intense? Because they are not at all intense. Just a whisper/hint of flavor. Ah well. It was good for a beginning venture into candy making. I can definitely make "glass candy". In fact, you can definitely cut yourself silly on glass candy. The stuff splinters like evil fiberglass and pierces your hands. Candy, I have found, is dangerous stuff.

I woke up this morning with a slight headache. I'm sure it's from testing all the candy last night. My roommate was baking something wonderful, so the whole house smelled like xmas. It was chocolate zucchini bread. It tasted sort of gingerbreadish, so I am thrilled she cut up an entire loaf for me. But that doesn't help the head, you know?

I wasn't at work Tuesday, but right before I left on Monday, my computer exploded. I thought it was just the monitor. I was on the phone, heard a loud pop, smelled acrid electric scents, and called our IT consultants. They didn't think it was a big deal at first, but when I came to work yesterday my computer was missing. It was at the consultant's office, and they said my computer tower was blowing out their power sources. Hmmm. I did have a new CDRW to replace my old one, but that had happened earlier that day. I have no idea what's wrong with my computer. However, it's under warranty, so Dell will keep sending parts. I'm typing on a monstrously slow computer here at work with a dizzyingly pathetic sony monitor that is killing my eyes. Ugh. The worst part about this? I may still be on this computer after January 6, which is when we come back from our vacation/holidays. The office is closed for two weeks. I can't believe this. My computer at home is finally working, and the computer at work exploded.

Tonight I'm going to the ButtUgly show. That gal Kris I was babbling about after the Sellout/Buyout art show on Second Saturday. Should be good! I also bought the soundtrack to Secretary. And I may buy Bad Behavior, the short stories by Gaitskill. And no, I'm not a glutton for punishment. Although it certainly seems that way lately, what with my 15 hour stint at the theater and my pulpy shins from banging my poor legs into my new bed every day.

~Amelie, qui fait les bons-bons et ordinateurs de mises à mort

11:17 AM

Wednesday, December 17, 2003  
I'm home. It was a very very long day.

And was it worth it???

Oh yeah.

The only criticism I have of Return Of The King?

I wanted to see Legolas nekkid. Or at least more of him. Yummy.

Other than that, it's incredibly entertaining. And I'm not just saying that because I was beat down for 8 other hours of Tolkien films.

Although, that actually might very well have something to do with it.

My only advice to people who are going tomorrow:

Yes, it's good, and yes, all of them are heroes. You do NOT have to applaud every time someone does something heroic. It's not only in the script, it's in the books. We know it's going to happen. So quiet down. Otherwise we'll never hear Gimli.

~Amelie, who wants to kiss Legolas. And braid his hair.

1:54 AM

Tuesday, December 16, 2003  

I'm off to go see Lord Of The Rings. I have to go get in line now. People are crazy and camping out. I'm just taking a chair and a book and a blanket.

I hate that I am doing this.

But at least I did not rig up a pair of hobbit feet to wear over my shoes or anything dumbass like that.

Allrighty. 12 hours of movies and sick sick popcorn smells.

I'll let you know how it goes with my elvish boyfriend, Legolas. He's so cute. Why can't boys look like that for real?

Oh. Yeah. Because I would laugh.

~Amelie, both loving and dreading the return of the king.

8:45 AM

Sunday, December 14, 2003  
So, they found Saddam, but not Osama. Saddam has bad teeth. They spent a lot of time poking around in his mouth. Either they were looking for cavities, or that's where he hid the WOMD and he's just waiting to chomp down on the embedded nuclear pellets...

Also, Strom Thurmond has a daughter named Essie Mae (quite possibly the cutest name I've heard in awhile). She is a Mulatto and is a spry 78 years old. It was apparently the worst kept best secret in all of SC. Oh yeah, he was a lifetime segregationist. Only apparently you can sleep with people who are not as light skinned as yourself, you just can't let the children acknowledge you as "dad" until after you're dead, gone, and not able to explain your lifetime segregationist attitudes. That make no sense, considering the spreading of your DNA. Interesting, non? The things people do. I hope Essie and her family get what's coming to them from his estate! You go, Essie Mae.

In other news, I sold two soaps at the sellout/buyout show, and gave away a lot more. I bought some seriously cute stuff and it gave me a better idea of what people go for at these things. I am also in love with ButtUgly Clothes. This gal Kris takes old vintage material, from a variety of places (old bolts of fabric, thrift store items, old table cloths, blankets, weird rugs) and turns the into one-of-a-kind clothing modeled on vintage clothes from the 30s-70s. Not only that, but she will customize. If a dress doesn't fit you, she will make you one that will fit your ass. I joke not. I am going to see her show on Thursday. I will take photos. I'm sure this is a common thing to do, by the way, but she has massive amounts of clothing finished and ready to stock your closet. She's a busy little bee. She may even be able to salvage my very expensive, very fuckled up suit that I had "tailored" to fit me.

~Amelie, hoping for the best, as usual.

3:46 PM

Friday, December 12, 2003  
Well then. I just finished a book called The DaVinci Code. It's delightful. If you read my musings on it, you will know too much. If you have already read it, go for it. It's just me floored that this aurthor knows so much about icons and symbols from so long ago.

Fascinating. Enjoy the book.

~Amelie, who read it in 6 hours. It's that appealing.

PS: it took me a little while, but I found the story I was looking for. The inspiration for The DaVinci Code. Seriously, read the book first. Okay. I'm done now.

12:38 PM

Thursday, December 11, 2003  
Not that it matters, but the largest known prime number was uncovered. It's pretty big, but it's just not very exciting. You can find the next one.

11:49 AM

I was looking on this site (that I found through Not Martha because she posted a SuperHero Designs link and that's how I happily found Stupid Creatures, I was not lucky enough to stumple across it, I just followed the links. Blessed internet.) and people from my office started looking over my shoulder. Apparently all the rage in the Bay Area. I am totally amazed that people spend time cutting up socks and doing stuff like this. I love it. Anyway.

Now I'm afraid these artists will be inundated with orders from coworkers for these silly sock creatures. I figure they are easy to make, which is why I was poking around, but I'm happy to pass it on for someone else to look at and possibly buy something unique for Xmas.

~Amelie, sock it to 'em.

11:02 AM

Wednesday, December 10, 2003  
You know, sometimes I wish that I could just email people who find my blog through google searches like the one that had to do with women doing unmentionable things to dogs; I would say "You are a FUCKING FREAK, you FREAK!". I mean, really. Do you HONESTLY need to see that? And if so, you should be arrested for perpetuating the rough trade in dogs. It's bad enough people eat them, I don't want to know that found ME because you were looking for pictures of even nastier stuff. Sheesh.

Now, I will be the first person to tell folks that my dog has the cutest little weenie ever. It never pops out, he's not gross and hangy, and it's dainty. This is because I neutered him early at 2 months. This is crucial to never having to see lipstick on your male pet. Neuter them super early, and you will never see sick stuff. Yes, dog wenis is sick sick sick. My dog? Has the cutest weenie ever. It's petit and just plain not gross. In fact, people always ask me if he's a boy or not. That is the perfect male pet for me; when you can't tell.

And I have a funny story about Erica and her cat, Cucaracha, speaking of pet genitalia. See, you can get these things called Neuticles. That's right, you got it, prosthetic testicles for those folks who think their pet will have a complex if they neuter him. Anyway, Erica thought it was funny (she even has a promotional glowing Neuticle keychain) way back when she got Cuca neutered, and yes, he has been very proud of his fakies. So, the other day, she is putting an xmas present together for her grandma's garden (it's one of those stepping stone thingies that you make yourself with cement and glass bits that you embed) and she was looking around for something else to embed in the cement. And she found this hard resin jelly bean looking thing on the floor with hair and a scab on it. She says she stared at it blankly for about 5 minutes before it hit her what it was. Yes, the right Neuticle had left the building, it had exploded from the sac, it had POPPED OUT of it's vessel, shall we say. And no one can figure out how, it's been fine for years. Oh yeah, she told me and Jeremy over dinner last week while we were eating crusty baklava at Juliana's Kitchen. Boy, I cannot tell you what an unappetizer THAT particular conversation was...

Anyway, I have seen Cucaracha since it happened, and while we don't know exactly HOW it happened, he is still quite proud and prancing as his left one was apparently retained.

~Amelie, who knows waaaaay too much about pet stuff.

1:16 PM

Tuesday, December 09, 2003  
469 Black Students at my Alma Mater. and Maya says "And you know that a significant number of those Black Students at your Alma Mater are Mulatto, like me." Okay.

I recall more Black kids than that, but that was before the UC system switched it's affirmative action policy. In fact, most of the DJs and all the women in my child psychology and Black African Cinema classes were Black. According to this year's stats, that would have been pretty much the entire Black population at today's UCSB. That's pretty sad.

In 10 years, the schools have become much less diverse. That can't be good for the economy. I wonder if there's a way to tie the crap economy to a lack of diversity in the public secondary education system? I'd be curious. Maya, go find out. I challenge you to study that and see if there's a causality, because there's definitely correlation.

Oh boy. Brandy and wine. I'm pretty toasted.

~Amelie. Loves the "Blog This!" bouton....

11:11 PM

Hmmm. I feel like I should post something relevant and funny. But really, I have nothing to say. Except that Gore supports Howard Dean, and the Daily Show said "We'd like to see him try to survive THAT...the last person Gore supported for president was Gore...." And really, that's not that funny.

My verdict for Angels In America which is on HBO: Boring. I kept flipping back to watch Ancient Egyptians on TLC, it was that boring. Actually, the story about Taues and Tages was pretty sad. See, they are twins, and their mom conspires to kill their father during the ptolemnic era (think Cleopatra, Ptolemny...). Anyway, they are twins. And their mom wants to kill their dad to get together with her Greek lover (she obviously never heard about Greeks and their sexual preferences, but whatever). She's greedy, she has a son from a previous marriage, she helps her lover kill her husband so she can claim his fortune. She also kicks her little girls out onto the streets of Memphis. They have nothing. They manage to procure transport across a valley on a donkey, to a city callted Saqquara, and escaping prostitution (okay, apparently the valley? you can run across, because their half-brother does it twice in one day later). They meet up with their dad's old pal, a temple scribe, who cannot afford to keep them himself. It looks like they are going to have to get into sacred prostitution after all, as that's what this city is famous for: sex and death. Their mom won't have anything to do with them, and according to the laws, she has to claim them in order for them to claim their inheritance. Which woul dhave been pretty extensive. However, no one can make the mom claim them. So they are destitute. But, luckily, the Apis Bull dies.

Why is that lucky? Because they are twins. And only twins can care for the NEW BABY Apis Bull. And they get picked. It is worshiped like a god. In fact, it is mummified, which is pretty special, since their own dad will never get to the afterlife since he was dragged into the desert and abandoned, sadly. They gut the dead bull, gunk out the brains, salt it, wrap it, and bury it. The old twins are now free. The new twins? Have a promissory note and a small salary. Their brother comes to them, talks them into getting back together with their mother. On the day of the funeral, she sends him back to his sister's house, as they are occupied with grieving (and they are treated like movie stars for being special and twins and all), and he steals their promissory note. And this is a big deal. That's it for them, that's the small fortune that would have been their future after the baby bull died in 20 years.

They get their scribe friend to write a letter to the pharoah, but it's never answered. Mom gets away with murder and attempted fillicide, and she is richer than ever. The pharoah kept the letter in his vast archives of letters. And that's how the story was made into a 1 hour special. Tages is mentioned later in someone else's letter, someone who is in love with her, but that's it. Interesting, but unfullfilling.

This is what you do when you are sick. You watch a lot of home improvement shows, and you tune into HBO and TLC all day long.

Today I'm finally not feeling too sick. Oh, I have a cough, but it's not that bad. I drank a bottle of wine with Maya. She is mad at me, she thinks I'm a bad friend since I'm in here blogging, but really. I'm not. I've spent all day clipping my dog and fighting worms on the web.

That's my day. 4 backdoor trojans, 1 virus. nice. Sounds filthy.

~Amelie, worm deleter.

9:04 PM

Sunday, December 07, 2003  
Well, I have a lovely cold. It started out with this persistent feeling of something caught in my throat. Like I swallowed a tortilla chip wrong and it scratched me. So, it was dry coughing all week. I pretty much just stayed in my house all weekend.
Yesterday, it became a very ugly head cold. It became progressively worse during The Last Samurai, possibly because even though we made the first show of the day, we still had to sit in the very front, so I had my poor head cold neck cocked backwards. Last Samurai was much better than expected. I was little when Sho-Gun (about japanese warlords and unifying Japan 3 centuries before Last Samurai is set; it's a Clavell book as well) came out as a miniseries, but now I want to see it again; Dances With Wolves is the inevitable comparison. Yes, it is about a white man who falls in love with a culture that he considers more honorable than his own. It is slightly patronizing, but easy to watch. Even with head cocked back. I will begrudgingly admit today that the cruise was not that horrid. However, my coughs and sneezes were called "cute" by the lady behind me. That's pretty embarrasing. I'm dying, and she thinks I'm being precious.

Anyway. I'm pounding water and theraflu and tea. I just ate something besides ice cream, so I'm caloried. I've been using the Valsalva Method to keep my ears from becoming infected (they tend towards that sort of thing when I'm sick with a sore throat). And I've been in bed all day. Which means that without powerful drugs, I will likely be up all night.

Ah well. At least my computer is not crashing.

~Amelie sickie-pooh.

4:46 PM

Friday, December 05, 2003  

One reason why I don't eat the pig:

He tasted of pork, he added.

1:54 PM

Wow. I just read about a guy who got fired from Microsoft from posting about some Macs the company had unloaded at their research campus. Luckily, I am apparently the only blogger at my job and I don't post things that would be a security risk. But boy, I can't see how someone with both a WEBLOG and a JOB AT MICROSOFT would think that posting about job stuff was okay. And would keep their name. And would let people know about their blog, or in any way/shape/form ensure that they would be associated with such a dumb thing. Man. The only thing I get busted for is writing about/poking fun at my friends. And usually the ones I wrote about who were annoying and then complained because they looked bad in my diary? Were shitty friends in the first place, so good riddance. Feh.

I'm pretty upset today.

Last night, we received THIS lovely email from SBC Yahoo DSL.

It is extremely important that you read this message and take immediate action.
Failure to act may require us to temporarily suspend your service.

As part of our ongoing commitment to keep members informed about Internet safety, SBC Internet Services sent a message last week strongly urging our Members running Microsoft Windows NT, 2000 or XP to take appropriate security measures to help protect their computers from an Internet worm called Blaster.

Unfortunately, we have reason to believe that your computer has been infected with a variant of the Blaster worm (also known as Blaster.D and Welchia) and that it is continuing to infect other computers. Because of the nature of this particular worm, you may not notice any effects right away. However, the worm on your system could have significant impact on others. It is necessary for us to request your immediate action in order to help protect all SBC Internet Services members.

To maintain service, you must take a few minutes now and follow the removal instructions at: http://www.microsoft.com/security/incident/blast.asp.

Once you have done that, please go http://windowsupdate.microsoft.com to download and install all available critical patches for your operating system. You must perform these actions on all computers that connect using SBC Internet Services.

If you have questions about this email or need other information, please contact SBC Internet Services toll free at 877-SBC-DSL5.

Thank you for your prompt action on this important matter.


SBC Yahoo! DSL Network Operations

And mind you, this came AFTER Jeremy M reformatted my computer. Twice. And we downloaded all the service packs and security patches and updates. And then every time I run MY stupid viruscan software (which I have to patiently remove and then re-download once I'm online again), the minute it runs, it finds the Nachi worm. And then removes our ability to access the internet through DSL.

This just sucks. Especially since everything I've read about the nachi worm is that it tries to download the correct patches and then deletes itself.

I hate it I hate it I hate it.

~Amelie, who has a router now and will buy beer for the first person to set it up.

1:15 PM

Thursday, December 04, 2003  
I have a new favorite food. It's cottage cheese with flax seeds. I know, bland. But yet subtly crunchy and yum. I spill a little flax oil on top to even it out. I think the taste grows on you. In any case, I wake up in the morning and either I want high protein (cottage cheese) or oat bran with yogurt. Lordy. I sound like a health freak. But you have to understand, it's good. I wouldn't touch it if it weren't.

My other new favorite food is Fred's Mom's Pickled Eggs. I swear to god, I am STILL craving that. I wish I'd taken some home with me. I searched around online and found loads of recipes but nothing that would give the eggs "that special" taste. I know there were pepperoncinis in that jar...

And I think I'm going to get a router for my house; I have no idea how they work, but they are supposed to protect your computer in ways that mcafee apparently cannot. I'm sick of this shit. Too vulnerable. So much for the firewall software I purchased. Jeremy M came out to reformat my computer again and help me load the DSL software. And I, as well as Mr. Ed, have serious issues with this SBC Yahoo crud.

However, it hasn't kept me offline. I have purchased nearly ALL of my gifts already. Through mainly DIY, discount, or small vendor sites that were suggested in magazines I read or by people that I know. What I haven't bought there, I am making myself. This year is slightly more happy than last year, but I am still relatively poor and budgeted. So, for example:

Graveyard Mall (thanks to Steph)


Instant Living

I also bought a set of books from the ubiquitous Amazon, something small from Red Envelope, and I'm taking my dad to the movies (all day long). Pretty much, I'm done.

Neat, non?

~Amelie, who hates malls but LOVES LOVES LOVES the web.

9:01 AM

Wednesday, December 03, 2003  
Need good gifts for giving ideas? Here you go. Blissen.com

What's neato is that they are all handmade, look really great, and are artsy all at the same time. I think one could do much worse than a gift from the Blissen girls.


(PS, Jill Bliss sent me cute panties in my panty exchange.) That had very appropos cats on them.

and speaking of underwear, surely you have seen this site: I See London

I am liking the models with stretchmarks. Very cool to see someone's natural boobs in a bra with stretchmarks. Makes the one that popped on on my belly (it looks like an appendectomy scar) happier to be alive.

4:02 PM

So, we got back online at home.

Only to download some virus during my attempts to patch MS Windows 2000.

My computer at home? Totally reformatted. As in, “I lost all my photos that I didn’t upload to the internet.” Fabulous. I lost all my files. Luckily, most of them I didn’t need. I wasn’t exactly writing a book. However, my brother apparently was. And while I feel bad, I also feel like it’s his fault we have these problems due to his stupid blithe clicking of things that pop up, and his adamancy that we MUST HAVE DSL, which of course, left us vulnerable to crud.

Apparently, the worm that was downloaded is the one that finds vulnerabilities and then gets in and repairs them, set to delete itself on January 1, 04. So, that’s nice and all. STILL.

I’m pissed.

I can’t even get a break.

As soon as I re-downloaded my mcafee viruscan from my extended license, our DSL shut down and scan found worms. Lovely.

I feel like throwing my monitor at someone’s big fat head. But I can’t figure out which giant jerk to throw it at.

Yesterday I got to spend the morning with Allykat. She’s back. I heart her so. I love her new apartment. And she looks fantastic. Muscled and tan. Sheesh.

Last night I went to Maya’s and tried to watch my greencine DVD’s (because our tv is also broken, yeah, honestly.) However, Cane Toads: An Unnatural History had no sound and I fell asleep during the second movie we tried to watch. I will wait for the PF to view Go Go, Second Time Virgin! (as I know he will like it). He is still moving into the new place. I think we are on the same level when it comes to moving. The last time I moved? I paid for the rental van and then I went to LA for a work thing, and left my brother and my roommate to move the stuff. Of course, my cat Churchill got locked in my armoire because he’s a freak, so he spent about 15 hours on the shelf that has a little metal label reading “Shoes” on it. I really hate moving, so it wasn’t like I wasn’t thrilled with disappearing during the heavy carrying of stuff downstairs. Poor PF. He’s two stories up, and then must move his big heavy books upstairs again.

I am listening to Galaxie 500 and it is calming me down.

~Amelie, Worms Are Killing Me, La Bonne.

12:13 PM

Monday, December 01, 2003  
Today is World AIDS Day. Last year, at this time, I was thinking “I should have done more.” This year, I have no stress. It’s amazing what getting out of AIDS services will do for you. I literally just have to light a candle. There’s no rush to get a vigil going or flyer the gay bars, nothing. Phew.

I had a nice weekend. I had planned for a Do Nothing November, but of course, we know that never works for me. My weeks just fly by. I plan too much. However, with my “I am doing nothing in November” idea at least nominally in place, I was able to function without too many “Sorry, I fucked up and double booked myself” problems. In fact, I had none. In fact, the one plan I made, I executive decision and deleted in lieu of something even more fun.

Basically, my Thanksgiving went like this:
Wednesday Night: I called Maya and begged her to pick me up from work. She showed up nice and early, only I wanted to leave and my boss kept calling me into his office. Finally, around 5:30, I begged off and said “Can I get outta here early tonight? Everyone else has gone home.”

Appetite Enhancement Ride. I did not take photos, as I was worried I’d drunkenly drop my digital camera (as I have done this in the past). I got there pretty early. I took over the BBQ duty, as I can grill 60 sausages in 20 minutes. That was pretty fun. Especially since my nickname for the entire ride was ‘Sausage Girl’. “Hey Sausage Girl, you can really handle a sausage!” To which I of course replied, “Yes, my sausage parties are the best.” I don’t even eat pork, but that was fun. I also managed to stay at the head of the crowd. Not sure if it was fun to get to the beer stop first, or if it’s fun to be enmeshed with other drunken riders. Regardless, I did not get drunk. This was the first year I did not get ploughed and try to ride. Think: Drunken Critical Mass. Yes, you can get a DUI if you are drunk and bike riding. This does not deter most of the riders. Honestly, it’s a hilarious way to start thanksgiving. After two or three circles around the fountain in front of the Capitol building, we headed to the meet-up in Discovery Park. I tried the dark beer, and watched naked boys ride their bikes into the river. One boy broke his bike and then ran nekkid into the river after jumping off the bent rusted frame. And then I rode home to shower. Thanksgiving was good.

Friday was mellow. I pretty much cleaned the house and helped my sister with her new house. I was also developing a nasty headache. I’d had it on Thanksgiving, but thankfully (get it?) it went away during the bike ride.

Oh yeah. Crash A Rama Saturday. It was fantastic. Johnny was in full form. And the crowds were not too crazy. We found parking without too much of a walk, and it wasn’t raining. The best tricks were the first and last stunts. Stunt one: he jumps a chevelle and skims over one old beater and then dropped the chevelle into the second old beater. Oh man. The other great one was last. He drove some old beater into the air and landed it nose down and upright between two other old crappers. Then the upright car fell over somersaulting onto the second car. Jeez Louise. THIS IS REAL STUFF, PEOPLE. It ain’t on the television. The Losing Streaks were the featured band.

Last night I drove to SF to see The PF who is sad and lonely and trying to move out of his apartment. We went to Burmese food and watched Bad Santa. Bad Santa is FANTASTIC. Oh lordy. If you can handle mean people, you will love it. It basically thumbs it’s nose at “happy Christmas crap”. It’s directed by Terry Zwigoff, so, really, do not expect a very happy story. It does have a decent ending though. It could have gone many ways, however, it was very satisfying. This is a foul foul movie. It is not for children. It is not for adults with sensitive stomachs or who get indignant about alcoholism. It’s a drinking movie. PF says Shakes The Clown is along the same lines, so if you hated that…well. It’s mean spirited like The Simpsons, but not so evil that you will hate everyone. In fact, it’s got some good twists, hilarious lines, and you end up liking everybody just fine (although you don’t want them living next door.)

Bad Santa. Oh lordy.

~Amelie, crash happy thanksgiver.

5:22 PM

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