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Tuesday, April 30, 2002  
amendment to la poliTIK:
read this...

use UN: amelielabonne and PW: amelie so you don't have to go sign up, sheesh.

3:35 PM

I am finally back at work today. Got to talk to a CrAzY woman. This woman was a self described professional caretaker for people who have plastic surgeries and want to keep it on the down low..."they were so...hush hush..." She was INSANE. She talked for 2 hours about her fascinating (because of its creep factor) yet boring (because of it's tediousness) job. It was one of those days when I wish I carried around one of those little anywhere cameras that are in the pop up ads and a small tape recorder. It was like watching that taxi cab stories show on HBO. She was telling stories about people she'd taken care of. She was way over involved...and creepily, she really BELIEVED in plastic surgery as a panacea for all your ills. She actually got in my face and pulled her cheeks so I could see her pores. "Don't you think I need to DO SOMETHING??? don't you think I need LIPS??" Ugh. Sad.

And then I got a nicer email from my friend MaryAnne who co-coordinates the Sacramento NOW chapter. Apparently this chapter is taking on the local chapter of NRL, and will be filing charges that the clinic protesters have violated multiple local ordinances and state laws. I have had at least 3 confrontations with them, once I was called a viper and a Liar From Hellfire. I pretty much loved that one. Another time, my friend Regina and I were hobnobbing around the clinic and visiting some of the clinic escorts we know. Regina has a 14 month old. We left before any women came in seeking to end their pregnancies (because having a baby around is iffy and uncomfortable and reeks of protest). On our way out of the parking lot a man dressed as the Grim Reaper said "That's the saddest thing I ever saw". I turned to him and snipped "WHAT, exactly??? a WANTED BABY???? I should be so lucky that that's the SADDEST thing." I have nothing against protesters, their signs are ridiculous, their views are stupid, but the people? Nah. They don't bother me too much. I see too many crazy people in my line of work. Alisha is a bit afraid of them, though...her mommy was big at PP and Alisha used to tap dance and hand out condoms and be chased down the street by protesters. Yeah, I can see where her fears stem from... I definitely don't appreciate fear and hate tactics. I don't like it when they pepper spray 15 year olds who don't agree with them, and that happened in September...It didn't even make the news, here. huh. And they say the press is liberal? Not in Sacto.... I am trying to get a campaign together to let people in the neighborhood know about that incident, it was insane; most neighbors seem to suppor the clinic anyhow. If the neighbors rose up against the protesters in force, they'd be gone.

~Amelie la PoliTIK

10:29 AM

Monday, April 29, 2002  
JCXemailed me a site awhile ago to me to cheer me up as my house was being sold, a site he hadn't even JOINED, and I did join...and you know what? I am jumping out of my skin with HAPPINESS!!! I got 3 postcards today from random people, one from Buffalo, NY and another from Michigan...

That was JUST EXACTLY what I needed on the day of the dead fishy and my crazy tooth problems. Gracias amigo, you always manage to come through even though you make me nuts.
how does it work exactly???? You sign up, you daringly post your mailing address, it comes up randomly when someone wants to "yo, send something else", (gentle, lovely non stalkerish people only I am obviously hoping), and then they SEND you things, like dried flowers or art or postcards with nice thoughts on them. It really inspires random acts of kindness in the most tangible way ever.


And to add to the happiness, ERICA is full fledged and up and running...

8:06 PM

Trying to get over my fish.

Had a great weekend. Again, lovely with Alisha (she would be my new girlfriend if we were gay) and Erica and dogs and farmer's market people and walks in the park and salmon, artichokes, and rice for breakfast...dinner was with my old professor who is looking gorgeous as ever. We talked about love interests (mine are hopeless, his non existent, though he has hired a beach house in Delaware all summer and I am invited to hang with 7 handsome high powered gay men for at least one weekend. I would be odd woman out at "fire island". Hmm. I may still take him up on it, if he offers his frequent flyer miles). We talked about my crushes, my career, my kookiness. He ate a huge piece of cake, I had a giant piece of torte, we listened to live jazz and sat outside the dessert diner. I thanked him profusely for the nicest date I'd been on in ages.

This morning, my brother found my keys, I found my glasses, and my fish passed away. It's grey and chilly out, looks like rain. Fittingly.

Sharing a little silliness...
Apparently, I'm Lumos. Not sure if this kind of thing is worse than forwarded emails, posting it anyway. I'm a little deranged, my fish died.

"You are Lumos! You're a lot of fun and pretty damn cool, and you do things your own way."

8:28 AM

this is a story about a fish.
Once, a long time ago (2.5 years), I started an outdoor pond. I added feeder goldfish to keep my koi happy. My koi died (soooo pretty, soooo delicate unfortunately), and my goldfish survived. One day, before a grad school class on a saturday, I took my coffee down to the pond to feed my fish and did a head count. 5. Where was the big one? He had jumped. In winter. and I picked him out of the dirt, fully intending to bury him under my lavender. And he moved. Dry as toast, he moved. I immediately plunged him into warm dechlorinated tap water, and rescusitated him with a bit of sea salt. He floated, I worried, I left him up on a shelf away from cats, went to class, and on the way home I brought him a 10 gallon tank to recuperate further as his scales had come off on one side. Fish eat their friends who are damaged. I came home, he was happy. I gave him a snail for a buddy in the tank and he managed not to jump out, and lived. He was added to the pond again.
My new friend Carrie arrived to live with Jane. Carrie wanted a fish. Carrie wanted a job. One week, Carrie dislocated her shoulder in Tahoe trying to learn to snowboard. She is from Arizona. She is tough. She still had no job. She borrowed my fish tank to buy a fish and keep it.

Another Saturday, I do a headcount, one is missing. It's the one with scarred scales. I look around. There is frost on the leaves. There's an orange fin under some of the leaves. I pick up the fish, limp and sad. I don't know why you jump out, fishy. He moved. I think "nerves?" I rush upstairs to the house and run water on him. He's definitely been out longer this time. Last time, hours. This time possibly overnight. I wondered if fish get brain damage? It's amazing how much you can suddenly care about a pet you haven't even named when they are on the verge of death. I also wondered if he were a suicidal fish. A kamikaze, but really, I mean, Kamikaze's take others with them. That's the point. Maybe a harakiri fish. But failing miserably at impalation.
I called Carrie. I said "Fill up the Tank NOW!" Jane answered sleepily, "huh??" I said "Get Carrie NOW!!!". Carrie is on the phone, grumpy, confused. It's 8 AM on a Saturday. I am rushing across town with a dying fish, calmly explaining she is getting a fish for the tank. The same fish who belongs in the tank because really, he jumps outside, so he must not like it. Carrie was quiet. Then she asked "Right Now?" I knocked on her door. "yes, now." We filled up the tank, dechlorinated it, dropped in the fish. He floated to the surface. I said "Carrie, you must poke him DOWN every time he floats to the air on his side. Can you manage?" She said she could.
She did. The entire time I was in seminar, she poked down the fish.

When I came back to check in the afternoon, he was dazed on the gravel. but alive. She had named him Tough. She said "I'm keeping him." And for over a year, she did. He obviously LIKED or DIDN'T MIND other fish in his tank, but he was so big his ammonia and waste overwhelmed them all and all died. Tough may have known he was a killer, he jumped once in her room and she plopped him back. He was a shy fish, freaky. Maybe brain damaged. I dunno. Two weeks ago, Tough started to have problems swimming and eating. He lay on his side in the corner of the bottom of the tank.

Carrie, desperate and worried, brought him to me. Tough came on Saturday. Gasping in the corner, sideways. I added salt. I checked the internet. Either flukes, or an airbladder problem the fish vet said.
I added more salt, because that kills flukes. No improvement. I propped him up so he at least looked slightly normal. I turned the heater on and added warm water. I talked to him. I told him it was okay to go. I wondered if I should just take him out and let him die. I couldn't do it. Evan said to flush him. NOnono. Henry said to let the cat have him. NO NO NO.

I woke up this morning. Tough was gone. He was 4 years old. He was 6 inches long and orange with big eyes and black ridge across his white dorsal fin. He had a longish flowing tail. He was a comet, a common feeder fish. Only he was big. Very big. Awhile back I had nicknamed him Puppy. He was buried under my blueberry bush.
Now I have to tell Carrie. She will understand how sad I am. Poor Tough.

I'm so ridiculous to be so sad. Amazing, emotions. For a damn fish. Ugh.

~Amelie La Triste et le poisson est mort

7:59 AM

Sunday, April 28, 2002  
"You want to go to a movie? Well, that's something to watch. This is something to do."

Saturday night in Sacramento...where do you go?
Talk Show!
Improv theater ensemble meets late night jerry springer. The audience picks the topic, assigns afflictions, and adds comic silliness.

My addition? "I don't care about your problems, but where did you find those shoes?" (my goodness, they were some of the best red mary jane's I've ever seen, with gum 2 inch heels and tear drop cut outs and heel extenders to they don't tip...can't find picture!!arrrrrggghg!) actually, these are slightly better come to think of it...

Studio theater, $8 donation, 11th and R Streets, 10:30 line starts, 1st come/1st seated....hilarious, slightly vulgar sardonic mockery and fun. Cool.

12:44 AM

Saturday, April 27, 2002  
Listening to Nick Drake. Inspired by a john cusack movie that wasn't very good (how can a cusack movie even manage to be BAD? I was amazed simply by that alone), but had at least 2 songs...very pretty. very very poignant. While the movie was not. Don't know why they chose Drake. Time has told me...you're a rarer find, troubled cure for a troubled mind....so sweet, but so far gone...
...Would you love me through the winter? Would you love me till I'm dead?
But they played the opening to Black Eyed Dog throughout. It was about "love" and Romance and happy accidents. Weird. Someone did not read Nick's bio very carefully...
Black eyed dog....

So, speaking of dogs, Jenny called during dinner (where we were listening to Abracadabra/Steve Miller Band and eating not-so-good chain mexican food) and I watched Alisha become alarmed. Her eyes get bigger, and she gets very pale.
A dog was dying in Pinole. Jenny went to a movie with Joey, and they found a doggie in a car, no windows open. Apparently the owner went to a movie and "forgot" their doggie?! So, she asked us what to do. Everything we said, she had done. ASPCA--got a machine. Animal Control for the East Bay--got a machine. 911--got YELLED at, chastised, because people are far more important than scrabbling dehydrated puppies. I don't know. Anyway, she finally got ahold of someone. They said "how do you know the dog is distressed? Maybe it's just upset because you walked by the car." I think if I were Jenny, waiting by a hot steamy car and a frantic doggie locked inside for 2 hours, missing a movie and having a fiance sort of irritated, I would have lost it. I would've been asking for some supervisors and some badge numbers. Jenny has grace. She managed to give the license and location. I think if they call her to testify, she will kick some booty. Good Samaritan Jenny. You Rock Ass. Let's sing a song...for Hazey Jenny

9:31 PM

Friday, April 26, 2002  
So, I had two odd dreams. One involved my teeth peeling off (probably due to my latest dental crises, too emotional (sniffle) to go into), and the other involved a tapir.
I am wondering about this tapir. Who, or what, does it represent? Is it my life? Is the focus on the tapir the wrong subject of the dream? Am I just, as at least ONE person has implied today, ODD and WEIRD??? Duh.
I am.
Happily so. Cutely so. very odd. I would rather be thought odd than thought basic. And, as I pointed out, Tapirs are much cuter than TAPEWORMS How can anyone, with SENSE, not agree?

Sigh. So, I have to go to a night meeting tonight. Luckily, it is a group that I can say "Hey, what about Happy Hour? Let's talk over G&Ts" and all agree I am the smartest for thinking of such a thing. Really, Sacramento Non Profit People! I mean, REALLY. Let's go get plastered. It's Friday.

My favorite professor, who is adorable/chic/gay (but a very good kisser, we snuggled once and I have to recommend him highly), will be in town on Sunday. He is a big name nowadays, Mr. "I am a smarty pants", and lectures ubiquitously. In the US and abroad. He is coming to UCD Med Center, but I will miss the monday lecture on health administration (thank god--BORING f'ing subject) though I know he will be hilarious. I love this guy. We argue constantly, but I love him oodles. We are going out on the town. To paint the town 'reddish'. My grandma, who has met him, told me "Ohhhhh, David??? He's soooooo nice. Do you really think he's gay? Such a shame" I had to point out that it's a minor shame for people like me, who have a minor crush, but not for gay men, who have hit the jackpot with this doll.

okay. back to work, A. (cracking whip heard in the distance...)

Amelie la Mignonne

2:01 PM

Silly girl loves blog.

A lot.

1:48 PM

Thursday, April 25, 2002  
8 AM Dentist.
The dentist I wrote a scathing complaint to when they charged me for Xrays.
The dentist I am trusting to fix the poor sad bonding I've had since I was a teenager.
The dentist who very little-shop-of-horrors-ish managed to fill my face up with novocaine so I look like a chipmunk, spilling sourly over onto my taste buds...
The dentist who said "Oh, need to rinse? I know. That tastes awful. One client told me it tastes like earwax."

That, I did not need to know.

10:34 AM

Wednesday, April 24, 2002  


Do you have what it takes?

8:32 PM


"i just inhaled a red hot...do you think i will sustain lung damage?"

"maybe you will gain fire breathing powers."


"I can still feel it right here." (points).

..."maybe if you swallow a lot of water you will melt it."

"What, so I can drown on the cinnamony essence??"

..."don't you think they made allowances for this sort of accident when they created red hots?"

"So you're saying this isn't fatal?"

1:59 PM

No, I don't know why I say it. no, i don't know why i like it. rock ass

...and my friend jamie hates this, she was completely against it and it was one of the reasons she left PETA. I think it's WEIRD, not being veggie, but dressing in lettuces. And sashaying around on cruise ships with porn stars. oh and by the way, Got Beer? I'm more likely to be turned by the Meet your Meat campaign. Sigh. Just watched a Frontline about marketing and finding the lowest common denominator (as opposed to targeting specifics). Sex and Drugs cannot be it, can it? is it? it seems too obvious...

1:05 PM

i have cold toes. Foot Twin, is this a shared problem? It's already 70 degrees out and I have cold toes. Freezing. If they rubbed up against an unsuspecting soul deep in slumber, said soul would wake and say "What the hell's wrong with your feet??!"
I have always always had cold feet
plus, I'm a hypochondriac.
And I've had cold feet in the not so literal; I have run from an impending wedding, I have walked away from job opps, I have left relationships before they got too sticky...It's not that I'm noncommittal. How can you have a dog and be noncommittal? How would I keep a friend on the planet if I couldn't commit to movie nights and cuddle puddles (new term, alisha taught me)? It's that I need a challenge and to really FEEL desire/desired. That would warm my feet up, I know.
~Amelie des pieds froids

8:29 AM

Tuesday, April 23, 2002  
kooky j

won't keep me company...

3:48 PM

Today is about spanish class. Why am i taking it? What was I thinking? Especially since I don't need it? Especially since I already pretty much know french? Especially since I am the most peresoza persona i know?

Cuando conozco Jodie, estoy muy nerviosa y preocupada. Pero, era muy conforme.
Ella me dijo "es el filmmaker más afortunado que sé".

Yes, that's right, I talked to jodie foster. once. And she is the tiniest thing ever. Did she say that to me? Nope. I said "hi". She said "very nice to meet you." But you have to use artistic license when completing an essay about a famous person you know. I think I'm going to get dinged for using past tense. Then again, la professora loves when I push myself. We'll see.
I think I did it wrong, however...I did an essay on a "FAMOUS" person. I think the essay was supposed to be about a FAMOSA persona.
i.e., someone popular. A contender. I coulda been a contenda. (Oh, and is On The Waterfront one of the ones we picked girls?)
Ah well. I will still do okay on the test.
Though I am feeling a bit dimwitted sunstroked and blonde. Aburrida, quemadura, y rubia.
Speaking of hair, I have had two nightmares that my lovely coppery streaks that I am becoming so in love with turn grey and bland and loathesome and people say "ew" and "bleck". It's an unpleasant moment when you actually get up out of bed before dawn to check your do.

~Amelie "So Delicious" La Bonne

3:06 PM

Monday, April 22, 2002  
my dad sent me this link because he loves stargazing...nice, non? It is a schedule of events and things to look for. I love my dada. He's the biggest ol' teddy bear of a dad you ever met in your life. I remember once that he was floating in the pool counting the green dragonflies. Sober. Apparently, my old backyard fills with mostly red and blue at dusk. This is a man that will never ever be bored as long as he lives. He is a kick.

4:03 PM

Another reason to absolutely SURROUND yourself in friends...however, oxytocin stimulates breast milk production (so watch the slumber parties, mamas if you don't want lactation marks).... Oxytocin is called the Intimacy Hormone. Cool. And men are not receptive to it. Interesting. Maybe that's why we drink loads of tea and eat chocolate (or 5/$1 pies, as the case may be) with our gal pals? And laugh, gossip and banter? And they (males) hole up and get somber and distressed and pouty or aggressive? Pobracitos. They need boobs.

Maybe those weird antisocial women (and I'm not catty, just curious) are actually oxytocin resistant??? Just a thought...

11:30 AM

Sunday, April 21, 2002  
Sunburned and exhausted, c'est moi...
todd emailed me a sad little email, but he's alive. so worried, so glad he contacted me.


11:48 PM

Saturday, April 20, 2002  
I am still celebrating the fact that I wept during the live rendition of Mercy Seat, and am hoarse from singing along to everything else Bad Seed-ish... warren ellis captured me with his elegance and beauty, for the second time in my life.
I just had the best day yesterday, spent with Regina in the morning (did NOT go to work, too much to do this weekend, needed a personal day for errands). Got to make a big club sandwich to share with Henry and Pilar, Hen drove to SF and managed to bypass all traffic, we had a picnic in the park, Pilar demonstrated Cart wheels on the free space...then we went to get in line.
Saw a friend on the stairs to the coat check and brushed right by him the first time, do not know why I did that as I recognized him (but I'm a weird one and I do strange things when I'm not ready to engage with people), observed him standing with his girlfriend from our table for a little while till it got too crowded debating if I should go say hola and decided to leave them alone, and later on one of my many trips to the bathroom due to coffee and water and gin, bumped into the two of them on the coatcheck stairs again. So I met her, this woman I feel like I should know. She is sweet, no edge to her; small voice, soft hot hands. He has devastating eyes, black hair. He always gets me, and I always kick myself afterward. Sigh. And then I went back to my table and tried to forget how clumsily handled that was/could have been, and it wasn't hard, as after all I was about 40 feet from Nick Cave and had a clear view of the stage. So gorgeous, so brilliant, so alive. I was still happy and humming on the walk back to the car with 2 posters in hand.

was awakened early this morning, fire trucks (and seamas, singing to the sirens next to me in bed). The house that burnt down in 1999 on the next block was on fire again at 3 AM. 15 trucks I counted. They were outside until 6 AM. I remember the last time it caught fire, it exploded a transformer and it sounded like a shotgun blast early in the morning. It's a derelict victorian that the owner is trying to renovate. It was beautiful, but now it's dust again. Sad. Homeless people squat in these old vacant homes and light fires on cold nights and die in the flames. It used to happen in my own house, but my landlord cleaned it up so you'd never know. I have no idea how i managed to be awake by 8 and answering emails from my professors, but I did it.

Going to visit Jenny and Joe w/alisha my trusty partner in crime, this weekend in Point Richmond. Don't know what they have up their sleeves, but I'm sure it involves lots of laughing, walking around town, and eating good food. Alisha is quite blessed to know such sweet friends, and I am blessed as well for knowing them all.

Today it's about pink sundresses, cashmere cardigans, cherry juice shakes, flowers from the garden, coffee and coppery streaked hair that was a risk for me, but I am coming around to love it. My life must be someone's favorite dream, I'm terribly lucky.

~Amelie avec la meilleure chance au monde

9:44 AM

Friday, April 19, 2002  
I just realized I haven't heard the rooster in days. I wonder if my neighbors ate him? poor thing. My freshly bathed dog is staring at me with his leash in his mouth. I think he wants to go for a walk, is sensing the impending exit of me and my absence for a few days...I will call my friend kim and ask her if I can drop him off at her house for the weekend. He is soooo cute and smells like Crazy Baby Dog

Today is the finish your chores and try to beat traffic into the city. Take a personal day off day, because I have too many hours build up anyway...a day to enjoy the sun and the wind and eat lunch in the park.

Try to forget your old friend is a flake and your house is being sold...it's Friday.

New news....Pilar will be going with us to the show. She almost cried when I told her we had an extra ticket. A true fan.

My brother wanted these slippers for xmas. I frantically tried to find them. They are no where to be found and bought!!! NOWHERE! Easter came and went. I am still looking. Help me. I need them in a men's size 10 or the equivalent. He says used are okay. It is sooo hard to find ANY bunny slippers. How can they be an icon and not be available??? I have till August 1...

9:16 AM

Thursday, April 18, 2002  

3:31 PM

my friend Amoeba. requires a boot to the head.
For ruining my Friday plan. For ruining my perfect friday, and that of my brother, and the ever present thought dwelling songster, Nick Cave.
She deserves a torture beyond the valley of souls.

3:05 PM

In case you were wondering whose you were wearing...

2:48 PM

came back to office after a horrid meeting in South Sacramento, carrying a pint of fresh ravioli from pennisi's deli, sipping hot coffee from Fuel to quash my burgeoning headache, and found a big golden bag on my desk chair.
On the bag it said 'THANKS! You are FABULOUS~ (client name)" with a flourish.
In the bag,
1 lbs box of assorted Godiva chocolates (tastes like 2 lbs)
Social service work ain't so bad.

~Amelie avec une bouche rempli de chocolate

2:08 PM

Driving to work today, I saw a rumpled, slightly dirty man carrying a big glass jar that said "Support Counter Culture", which I could read..
I didn't think anything of it, becuase who cares, and he crossed in front of me, jar label facing me.
About 20 seconds later, just before the light turned green, a harried (Starbucks?) employee, chasing, raced in front of me, apron strings flapping...

9:26 AM

Todd update: is somewhere in Klamath Falls, OR undergoing specialized cranial treatments. This, gleaned from Ick's emails to kdviates that were forwarded my way. I wonder if any of them even remember me from when I was a DJ? No one talks to me, do they even remember my name? I just said my name in my request email, no "hi, I used to be one of you". They sent me my ex-(brief) fiance's last message posting. Such tragedy, I won't go into it. He apparently travels back and forth to Todd's new place each and every weekend. Not that I want to impinge on this altruistic behavior, but I don't trust it. I worry about Todd, and the KDVS'ers who also adore him worry, but Ick is the last person I would trust after what happened between he and I. Break ups are not pretty, but that was a week of dismal hell, culminating in disaster and depression. Then again, Never Let Them See You Sweat. I can't gripe, I'm so much happier and so much more whole now. Wholier than thou, Ick. You will never be happy, you don't know how.
So. Todd is apparently getting better.
I wonder if he ever checks his emails anymore?

I woke up this morning with the silliest head of hair I ever saw in my life. It was swirly feathered and stuck to my face around the front and ratty around the ears so it frizzlied and poked out, and the back. lordy. The back was flat and spiked on top and splayed out on the bottom like two flunky pig tails. The top was just a wee jumble of a mess from hell. I don't know WHAT I was dreaming about (i hope it was sex), but I'm thinking new pillow cases are in order. The flannel ones NEVER forced such crazy patterns on my poor short blondeness.

Made some yummy chicken soup the past two nights. Very flavorful and spicy sour. All soup would be that good if it could. And cupcakes with red speckles and white icing. And milk. I actually drank, with two friends helping me, an entire quart of milk last night. Milk and cupcakes. Unbelievable. Milk takes me WEEKS to get through. I am dreading the onset of lactose intolerance, but I seem to be fine now. Usually friends help you with a bottle of wine. Not these; Erica won't drink water, and Alisha has a sensitive tumtum (so, cervesas did not sound good to her over lemon-cilantro chicken soup.)

tomorrow I take the day off. Tomorrow 3 of us go to the city to eat lunch and dinner and see Nick Cave and be amazed and sad and in love. So. My life is full, Ick is on a road trip from hell (and probably your engine will explode, you will deserve it, but who am I to care?) Todd is recuperating.

Seamas will "say please" for a treat. And Erica, well, besides a nameless borzoi puppy
(all suggestions please mail to amelielabonne@yahoo.com ) Erica has a new blog called twinkieslug. She needs to work on it, Go To Work On It! and Alisha has a clean computer and a shiteload of cupcakes!

The days just go by so quick.

~Amelie La Blonde

7:57 AM

Wednesday, April 17, 2002  
I am staring at my kitten sprawling on the ironing board. He is looking at me cross eyed. I do believe I am the only one with a faux lazy-eyed kitty.

I am awake at the blasted hour only because I couldn't sleep past 6 AM. This is due to the fact that I have a friend named Todd who has disappeared off the face of the earth. This wouldn't be the first time this sort of thing has happened, but the problem with TODD is that he's sick and is probably dying. And last night I discovered his email is over quota. So of course I wake up thinking "Where's Todd?" first thing. Ugh. Panicky.

7:44 AM

Tuesday, April 16, 2002  
My Spanish teacher always says "so delicious" in english when she thinks something is hysterically funny. I love that.

7:21 PM

My boss just told me about a city in Belgium where the population has been accepting and adopting mentally ill and mentally retarded people into their homes and schools and lives for centuries. It's a place called Geil (pronounced "Guile"), and somehow that kind of compassion and acceptance appeals to me.
I cannot find ANYTHING about it on the internet however. I am thinking he made it up.

3:43 PM

I read this blog daily she is like a weird twin. Like jenny M, only not my foot twin, my BRAIN twin...or triplet.

2:24 PM

Monday, April 15, 2002  
Overheard at work today:
M and her boyfriend J (on phone):
M: did you go to Carl's Junior for breakfast like you planned? I won't? No, okay, what happened?? Huh? She did? They what? Why? Holey Shit! Really? In the drive way? Oh my god! Cops?....Did you get mine? I wanted the Doug Christie."
me=totally confused, slightly stupefied that I still listen to other people's conversations even after that....
A few hours Later:
Transcription of events: J went to wait in line at Carl's Junior for a King's Bobble Head. Apparently they are not being sold separately, you have to buy a combo meal, and they are "way fun". So, the bobble head line started really early, and the drive-up window was stll closed. A woman in a Mercedes drove around the line, and backed into the drive up window space so she'd be the first one to reap the benefits of the bobble heads. The other line waiters exited their cars and attacked hers and pushed her back out to the street. Slight chaos then ensued, and the police came. J managed to get a Doug Christie bobble head as the meelee wound down. M was very happy. She told me this outside as she smoked cigarettes and we tried to stay warm with coffee.

::Ah the weekends...so, to catch up, Amelie y Alisha voy al cine mirar "Y Tu Mama, Tambien", una filme muy interesante y divertida. Es de dos amigos del colegio, qui son muy hip y sexy. La filme es una poquita pornografica, pero es inteligente tambien, con una sorpresa al fin.

Saturday was so damn busy. Spent it with Regina, and then later with Alisha as well. I see loads of Alisha, mainly cuz she's so damn fun. We had lunch, hit the art scene, and afterwards, I went to a slumber party where I had no slumber opps. My pal E-coli is a loud drunk, and a loud snorer. I am thinking there was a total of 30 minutes that I actually did blank out on, because every once in awhile I'd look around and one of the 10 women who originally showed up would be missing, until it got down to myself, Tammy, Mel (the hostess with the mostess) and Collie. Everyone else had left! Still, it was a fun little party. Wickedly wicca. I wish I was more witchy. I'm just not. I loved burning candles, though.

Sunday morning, how I got my ass up I don't know, but I made it to Gina's and Alisha/Gina/Amelie headed con bebe to the Squat n Gobble for coffee and nutella crepes, and where I managed to pee about 7 times in one morning. We hung out breakfast to dinner, which was Jamaican jerk chicken (the rice was not fun) and red stripe. Regina drove us around in the biggest truck ever, and still very agilely parked the damn thing. We basically drove around SF neighborhoods reminiscing and looking at For Rent signs. There are sooo many for rent signs, it's scary. Honest and true. Then we went to Ikea where (I peed another 3 times) although I'm the only one who doesn't need anything, I still was able to outspend both of mi amigas combined. On the way home, we hit a Levi's store where I got my first pair of cropped pants. I hate cropped pants. Then I tried these on. Alisha swore my ass did not look big, and so I bought them. Non non, je n'ai pas regrete rien, just like Edith Piaff. They are plaid. I wore them today with a black sweater and bowling shoes. I looked damn cute::

~Amelie La Bobblehead en plaid

10:58 PM

Friday, April 12, 2002  
Woke up to Tiny Tim singing Tiptoe Through The Tulips. He'd have been 70 years old today

I think I will go talk to property management companies today, and apply at those agencies for homes in my budget. I'm sending my brother over to take a peek at a home that seems too cheap to be true. Susannah and Evan want to move with their friend Chris, and don't want to live necessarily with me too, as I cannot find anything downtown, everything is on the other side of the freeways. Too far for two carless people.

A well kempt very cute guy named Mahood showed up on my doorstep yesterday before I went to Yoga. He asked me about my house. He followed me upstairs and into my house. I was a bit bewildered, and mad that Seamas didn't sic him. I think he thought I was the one selling the place, he kept asking me about the tenants below me, until he realized I was a renter too, and not interested in moving. I told him about my domestic violence crazy neighbors, how I call the police about 6 times a year, how the alley people shoot their guns and how helicopters are always overhead, and all about the people with the rooster that crows at 3 AM. The thing is, I was telling the truth, and if he buys and moves in he will find out I wasn't just tying to dissuade him. After he left, my bewilderment went away, and I thought "What the F? He coulda been a rapist!" I immediately contacted my landlord and said I am not cool with people bugging the tenants. He agreed. I get to put a sign up. But great, now EVERYONE will know this place is for sale. Also, I said for him to up the price because this house is within this guy's price range. Even though he seemed nice, he wanted to live in my house! Ick! Very NOT fun for me. I am definitely taking my garden with me. I don't care if I leave big holes in the planet and everything has to live in pots for the rest of their lives. I don't want Mahood eating my peas. Let him grow his own damn food.

At least my night was relaxing. Ate cheese and strawberries and sat in the jacuzzi with Alisha whining about my life. Then we went to the hot sauna, where you are supposed to stay until you have a "bloom" to your skin. I think mine bloomed.

7:50 AM

Thursday, April 11, 2002  
Went to a lecture on HSV2 last night. Very weird to be looking at slides of that sort of thing while you are munching on dill and salmon or cheesecake. Lecture freaked me out, according to this doctor, 80% of the global population has herpes simplex 2. I still ate my salmon, though. I am not afraid of pictures.

Made coffee this morning, found lots of cards from realtors on my kitchen table. 8 people went through my house yesterday! Ugh. Apparently, my dog didn't bite hard enough. I hope they don't go today, I left my dirty laundry on the floor.

Must have garage sale. Trying to get good friends to stand outside on the corner, in bikinis and holding signs, waving cares to the sale. I think it would work. I am on a busy street....

10:23 AM

Wednesday, April 10, 2002  
Alterno "wedding" vows suggested by me for my friend's funny class project:

We are gathered here today because we want to celebrate good senses of humor, better relationships of all kinds, and human tendencies that recognize the general good herein.

Please join hands with the people next to you, close your eyes and think of the group in a circle. As your repeat these words, remember that you are included in everyone else's pledge.

I promise to check and tell you when you have spinach between your teeth. Or pepper.

I promise to gently offer you a mint when you are breathing heavily on my neck during class, and are suffering from a hopefully temporary bout of halitosis.

I promise never to discuss loose stools with you, especially if you are eating.

If I see something lovely in this world, and it reminds me of you, I will tell you immediately upon our next encounter.

I will not talk during movies, nor will I disclose the ending to you if you haven't seen it.

I will only shoot you a disparaging look if your cell phone goes off in class, not condemn you to hell as you deserve. Likewise, the pager.

If I have a pager/cell phone, I promise to turn it off before concerts, lectures, movies, or dinner. In addition, I will never pull out my fun laser pointer to play with at the cinema, in the dark, on the screen. Ever. If I do so, I will fully understand and not hold you accountable should you grab it and smash it into little pieces. I will realize that it is for the benefit of all, and for my own personal safety, that you do this act.

I promise to lie if necessary, and always in the way you want to hear, if you ask me my opinion about your choice of girlfriend/boyfriend/partner. They will always be lovely. Except when you don't think so, then they are an absolute bastard or bitch.

If I point, I will use my uncanny ability to move my eyes in the general direction so as not to appear to be so rude and uncouth as to actually point. If I check something you have noticed is going on behind me, that is absolutely noteworthy yet inappropriate to stare at, I will perform the stretch manouver or use some other ruse to look over my shoulder so as not to make the unknowing performer of said odd acts uncomfortable (mainly to allow them to keep doing their thing).

I will never berate you for feeling sad or angry, I will allow you to vent your frustration to me. For a period not more than five minutes a week (this can be prorated if necessary.)

Yes, you look thin. Healthy thin. If you didn't look good thin, I would tell you.

No, you do not look fat.

Okay, you DO look fat, but only in that outfit. I promise to remind you to donate that outfit to Goodwill ASAP.

If ever I were to hurt your feelings, I want to know so that I can avoid such a thing in the future. If ever I hurt you physically, especially on accident, move your big dumb foot next time so I don't step on it.

If ever you were in need, I will gladly allow you to use my AAA card to call a tow truck.

I promise to practice random acts of kindness and be humbled by beauty and truth because you are a part of my life now, and in my fondest memories forever.

Amen and hallelujah.

~de l'eglise de Amelie la Bonne

10:22 PM

on the cement benches outside the Sacramento Convention Center

10:59 AM

My landlord is selling my house. I'm scared about what will happen to me, my dog, and my 3 kitties. Not to mention my garden.
sickening stress.

9:30 AM

Tuesday, April 09, 2002  
"fin-de-siècle wan dandyism"--funny quip regarding Elizabeth Peyton paintings, Paul O'Kane; made me laugh out loud. I want to talk like that.

2:48 PM

My house smells like lilacs and rain and coffee and grapefruit blossoms.

7:38 AM

Overheard in the kitchen:
Calpirger #1: The Sierra Club is hiring a field director for Hawaii. Wouldn't that be awesome?
Calpirger #2: Really? I bet a million people will apply for that position. Do you think they will hire a Hawaiian?
C1: Hawaii has lots of standards about their hiring. Maybe. Sierra Club is sketchy They don't generally hire the most qualified people.
C2: Definitely, Sierra Club is not exactly the best at hiring the best. Our organization is much better at hiring the best of the best.
C1: Oh, totally.

7:37 AM

Monday, April 08, 2002  
This weekend was a success. Friday was spent with Regina and her two darling kids, I snuggled a baby and a 7 year old until the baby fell asleep and the 7 year old started snoring. Plus, I did my laundry, gossiped with my friend, ate chinese food (except the icky lemon chicken), and in general, had a grand night. I do not recommend the movie we watched, Bandits (the american version, not the funky odd quasi Satisfaction German Outlaw Grrl band version)
Saturday was plan B. as Chie became ill and could not stomach the drive to Tahoe from San Jose, her starting point. Alisha and I, the dynamic duo of adventuresses, drove to Larkspur for a fun little BBQ with her friend Jenny, Jenny's family and fiance, and Joe's own parents. It was good, though I remain cursed with the ability to be the only one to pick the semi raw chicken from the pile of piping hot vittles. I liked the neighborhood too, it reminded me a bit of where I grew up in Fair Oaks. Nice. Since they are getting married, the conversation turned to the wedding cake. It will be hay bale shaped (not haystacks, but the little compact bales in little rectangular cubic forms), and they will top it with a pair of whittled american gothic type characters, and surround it with cute little gummy chicks and ducklings. I am convinced they will save at least $50 if they save their peeps from Easter. I am vetoed consistently on this matter.
Then we went to visit her grandma in Berkeley. I loved her garden and her dogdogs, it's a very cute little neighborhood/house as well. She's a neat grandma, she refinishes furniture and doesn't constantly obsess about food (my Nana will reminisce about tuna sandwiches from last week while she plans breakfast for tomorrow).
I made Alisha sleep over so we could walk to farmer's market the next morning. Needless to say, the dynamic duo thought they were amazingly early, but no, it was daylight savings time, and we were an hour behind. Her friend Celine met up with us, and I have to say she is a kick. She is pretty like a french doll, and she is funny like an old pal. We were a good group tramping around, and my big bunch of purple lilacs was smacking everyone in the face as I inspected potatoes and whatnot.
We made it home, and later, Alisha and I went to the nursery. Naturally, I bought tomato plants that will make obscene amounts of fruit that I won't eat, and pepper plants that will make abyssmally LOW amounts of produce that I WILL.
Last night, I ate brie and crusty bread and red wine. Tonight I am eating brie and crusty bread and red wine. I am seeing an establishing pattern here. My Monday was horrid. I woke up, ickily early, and went to a staff meeting, and then I hot tailed it over to an advocacy group's lobby day, where I am representing an entire region (though I didn't know I'd be doing it ALL BY MYSELF for Sacramento and outlying areas, but there you go), and then I ran from one legislator's office to the next, trying to explain that I don't CARE that there's a 15 billion dollar deficit, all I care about is that the only two issues I am presenting to them (from all the various issues that I COULD be pushing) needed full funding for the farthest reach and biggest influence in the lives of their constituents past and present. I did it. Dressed in a big teal t-shirt with a rainbow lanyard thingie hanging around my neck, my hair a mess, my purse askew, and my glasses slipping as I frantically ran from one floor to the next (did NO ONE tell them that it's impossible to find room 3141??? And that it's absolutely posititvely faster for large groups to take the stairs because a bunch of sightseers just BLOCK MY WAY??? And hit the wrong buttons on the car?????)
I then managed to squeak my way home after an interview with the governor's office, and popped on to IM everyone who was on and who loves me enormously and can't stand a day without me...And then I went to class.
The good news: my friend Erica brought home a borzoi puppy who I will cuddle and snuggle on Wednesday, the next day I have free....

Bon Soir, mes amis, j'ai fatigue et comme ca, fait dodo maintenant.
Apres la brie et vin, bien sur.

Ton Amie,
Amelie La Lobbiest Aujourd'hui

10:50 PM

Friday, April 05, 2002  
As I was messing around and not working, committing various emails to memory and whatnot, my coworker decided to help me be lazy and pick up a coffee for me. I said Moka Java or Columbian Supremo, black as night. As I am waiting, and creating the PHENOMENAL PRODUCTS email for my friend Alisha, Michele the coworker came back with a smile and sweetly said "They didn't have the mocha, so I brought you this one. I hope you like Vanilla Nut." I think she freaked out a little because my expression went from placid to panic. I cannot abide flavored coffee. No raspberry-vanilla-hazelnut-mint CRRRRAAAAPPP for me. ugh. I grabbed my coat, after asking her if she'd trade her french roast, and ran down the street to the deli where my offensive brew was purchased.
I jumped in front confidently stating "URGENT PROBLEM HERE, PLEASE MOVE ASIDE". In my least panicky voice, I explained to gentle Tony, the kind armenian purveyor of both icky flavored caffiene and the regular kind, the evil thing my coworker had done accidentally. He allowed me to refill unhindered.
Sigh. I then jumped over a pit bull and ran back to work. to my horror, the weird little tickle above my ear was not as I had hoped a loose hair from my messy coif, NO, it was a bug. And not a ladybug, either.
Could my day get any kookier? My friend in Scotland sent me a disco song, Odyssey's Native New Yorker. He wants to be buried to that song. I cannot imagine the pallbearers. They will wiggle their lower halves too much trying to dance, and drop the coffin. He told me to move to a greener land, as California is too dry to sustain me.

coffee and heat.

~Amelie, la femme qui a faison de cafe noir et savanne vert...

10:23 AM

Thursday, April 04, 2002  
If I die today, it's because I messed up my cholesterol medication. My friend Melissa is still laughing. Basically, it says very clearly "do not take grapefruit ANYTHING". I stopped drinking grapefruit juice, I don't eat grapefruit...I figured I was good to go. Needless to say, I woke up rushing to get everything I needed for a client meeting, have run out of Special K (the cereal), and ate a banana, drank coffee, and took two "energy" pills with guarana...AND....GRAPEFRUIT extract. After swallowing, realized the mistake. Looked it up on internet. With my medication, it causes something called rhabydomyosis. Rapid deterioration of the muscle. Until death.
If grapefruit is so dangerous, why don't they ban IT??? So while I'm still waiting to fall apart, I am blaming my current aches and pains on grapefruit (which should be banned) and NOT on the fact that I worked out hard core at the gym with alisha on Tuesday night, a fact that I am resolutely ignoring. No matter how much my triceps complain.

Work was insane. Client meeting. Scoured other job listings so I can get out of client meetings. NO ONE emailed me today to distract me with appropriately witty jibes and sillinesses.

Went onto a conference call where I am supposed to vote to represent an entire region. However, I forgot to poll my people regarding legislation (hey, I'm new to this), and I voted yes anyway. I think it's okay.
They had no soup at subway, due to it not being winter time. I was appalled. Have they BEEN outside??? It feels very winterlike to me. I don't care what the weather was like yesterday, today it's cold and I wanted broccoli soup. Somehow broccoli soup would have cured all my muscle pains and aches and all my other whining. But since it wasn't available (nor was chicken soup or veggie bean soup, it being NOT winter and all), I reserve the right to whine.

I came home early. I'm going to see Panic Room. I will probably drink wine tonight and pout some more.

~Amelie qui fait une visage triste parce que toute la monde est cruelle.

4:40 PM

Tuesday, April 02, 2002  
I worked out last night. And took my Espanol midterm (finally). I forgot the word vacation in spanish.
There is a women outside my work window with a really weird voice screaming at a homeless man. right outside my window here at work.
If they were floating in the air and I turned my head to watch them fight, it would not surprise me. I don't want to look, but I am imagining a hallucinating old man with dirty clothes and 5 of his 8 front teeth and cataractic blue eyes and a 6 day beard. Thin. Baggy jeans. He just laughed this weird drunken sputter and my heart jumped.
I'm looking.
Okay, wrong, he's not old.
She is though.

I walked to work today with Susannah, mi favorita camarada de cuarto, and we talked about how she will move out of my house and in with her boyfriend Evan probably in Fall. I am sad about it. Where will I ever find another roommate that I like as much, who pays half the rent, doesn't eat my food, and is home 5 days out of the entire month?? NOWHERE! My successful partnership will soon crash and die, giving way to the boyfriend I used to like a lot, but now resent.

Today the grapefruit blossoms opened on the tree outside. It was really beautiful this morning in my house, the scent. Walking with Susannah was nice too, all the citrus trees are blooming. I need to go outside again.

My bagel with cream cheese needed coffee. I'm going to fuel. I can't work and settle down today. I need to go for another walk.

~Amelie La Femme Qui Marche Vite

9:33 AM

Feedback remains positive! I will update regularly.

I sit here, head still wet from the shower (though I washed it with samples of the "jet dry" type hair shampoo and conditioner, the kind that is supposed to cause your hair to practically blow-dry itself). I am wearing my first skirt of springtime, the bruises have now faded on my legs to a point that I can look at them and say "yeah, you could pass for 'tan' if I played it right". I guess all that iron paid off.

Today I had Big Plans to walk to work. And then I remembered I had an appointment at 10:30 and a meeting at 3, both offsite from my office. I will drive, but I will be cranky about it. I may even get my big bottom into the gym today if I eat enough food to bolster my resolve. I forget to eat, get tired in Spanish class, and don't go. Tonight's class is the midterm I didn't take because I went to a conference instead. I get to take it late. You'd think I would have taken the week of regular class and the week of Spring Break to study, but no. I remember I'm a good student usually. Last night during the break I sheepishly admitted to a classmate in my mass media class that I already had two degrees. I felt dumb, sitting with 19 year olds who think 30 is old. I suddenly felt crazy for forcing myself to go to school to keep from paying student loans that I could probably afford if I budgeted right and stuck to it.

~Amelie la Folle

8:26 AM

Monday, April 01, 2002  
J'ai brunch avec la famille hier. Luckily, no one got stabbed with a fork, though I think my mom was trying for that prize. My sister and I didn't argue, it was bliss, though I still dislike her and think she's fake, manipulative, and creepy. I cut out early after my dad left for work, and my mom had to sleep at 2 to prepare for her night shift at the hospital delivery ward. She talked (over waffles and easter eggs) about the dead stillborn babies that young crack addict moms were birthing on her floor. I gagged on my mimosa when she spoke of one young woman who had reported having 12 miscarriages, a stillbirth during the night she was my mom's patient, and my mom walked in on the girls gangster boyfriend in bed with her naked, receiving a hand job. My mom said "She's the patient, not you, put your clothes on and get on the pull-out bed like a normal concerned visitor." Thought I think she handled it with aplomb, I had the sneaking suspicion that this was someone else's patient, and my mom was relating the story in first person to make us either proud or weirded out. It did an odd combo of both.

I then came home to read David Eggers. Who reminds me of my brother.

I made a vegetarian spinach and curry casserole thing to take to dinner last night at Carrie and Jane's as her parents had arrived from AZ at noon, and were baking a ham which I will not eat. So, I brought some food and wine, and we all ate. I thought her parents were nice, normal, middle class, generous. They had funny stories about Carrie. I wonder if my parents tell people anything besides "she fell out of a ski lift, she caught on fire freakishly, she broke her left arm every year for 4 years, she dropped an iron on her own head, she was bitten by a horse near her breast...oh, and she finished a grad degree. We are waiting for grandchildren, and praying they are not clumsy." One of the funniest parts of the night was when Dre was singing and playing guitar and one of the songs about rape states "Cuz the truth is right here between my legs..." and she couldn't say the words in front of Carrie's dad. I seriously thought I would wet my pants.

I forgot to call my grandparents last night! Terrible granddaughter, I am.

Drinking coffee made with a french press, smelling like Chanel 19 in freshly ironed navy slacks,

~Amelie La Terrible Grandefille qui a oublie appelle la GrandMaman en Pascal.

8:09 AM

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